Himself’s so weak,
So feeble –
4TH AVOCATORE: What are you?
BONARIO: His parasite,
His knave, his pander! I beseech the court
He may be forced to come, that your grave eyes
May bear strong witness of his strange impostures.
VOLTORE: Upon my faith and credit with your virtues,
20 He is not able to endure the air.
2ND AVOCATORE: Bring him, however.
3RD AVOCATORE: We will see him.
4TH AVOCATORE: Fetch him.
[Exeunt OFFICERS.]
VOLTORE: Your fatherhoods’ fit Pleasures Be Obeyed,
But sure the sight will rather move your pities
Than indignation. May it please the court,
In the meantime he may be heard in me!
I know this place most void of prejudice,
And therefore crave it, since we have no reason
To fear our truth should hurt our cause.
3RD AVOCATORE: Speak free.
VOLTORE: Then know, Most Honoured Fathers, I Must now
30 Discover to your strangely abusèd ears
The most prodigious and most frontless piece
Of solid impudence, and treachery,
That ever vicious nature yet brought forth
To shame the state of Venice. This lewd woman,
[Indicating CELIA.]
That wants no artificial looks or tears
To help the visor she has now put on,
Hath long been known a close adulteress
To that lascivious youth, there;
[Indicating BONARIO.]
not suspected,
I say, but known, and taken, in the act,
40 With him; and by this man, the easy husband,
[Indicating CORVINO.]
Pardoned; Whose timeless bounty makes him now
Stand here, the most unhappy, innocent person
That ever man’s own goodness made accused.
For these, not knowing how to owe A gift
Of that dear grace but with their shame, being placed
So above all powers of their gratitude,
Began to hate the benefit, and in place
Of thanks, devise t’ extirp the memory
Of such an act. Wherein, I pray your fatherhoods
50 To observe the malice, yea, the rage of creatures
Discovered in their evils; and what heart
Such take, even from their crimes. But that anon
Will more appear. This gentleman, the father,
[Indicating CORBACCIO.]
Hearing of this foul fact, with many others,
Which daily struck at his too tender ears,
And grieved in nothing more than that he could not
Preserve himself a parent (his son’s ills
Growing to that strange flood) at last decreed
To disinherit him.
1ST AVOCATORE: These be strange turns!
60 2ND AVOCATORE: The young man’s fame was ever fair and honest.
VOLTORE: So much more full of danger is his vice,
That can beguile so under shade of virtue.
But as I said, my honoured sires, his father
Having this settled purpose (by what means
To him betrayed, we know not) and this day
Appointed for the deed, that parricide,
(I cannot style him better) by confederacy
Preparing this his paramour to be there,
Entered Volpone’s house – who was the man,
70 Your fatherhoods must understand, designed
For the inheritance – there sought his father.
But with what purpose sought he him, my lords?
I tremble to pronounce it, that a son
Unto a father, and to such a father,
Should have so foul, felonious intent:
It was to murder him! When, being prevented
By his more happy absence, what then did he?
Not check his wicked thoughts? No, now new deeds!
(Mischief doth ever end where it begins)
80 An act of horror, fathers! He dragged forth
The agèd gentleman, that had there lain bed-rid
Three years and more, out off his innocent couch,
Naked upon the floor, there left him; wounded
His servant in the face; and, with this strumpet,
The stale to his forged practice, who was glad
To be so active (I shall here desire
Your fatherhoods to note but my collections
As most remarkable) thought at once to stop
His father’s ends, discredit his free choice
90 In the old gentleman, redeem themselves
By laying infamy upon this man,
To whom, with blushing, they should owe their lives.
1ST AVOCATORE: What proofs have you of this?
BONARIO: Most honoured fathers,
I humbly crave there be no credit given
To this man’s mercenary tongue.
2ND AVOCATORE: Forbear.
BONARIO: His soul moves in his fee.
3RD AVOCATORE: O, sir!
BONARIO: This Fellow,
For six sols more would plead against his Maker.
1ST AVOCATORE: You do forget yourself.
VOLTORE: Nay, nay, grave fathers,
Let him have scope. Can any man imagine
100 That he will spare ’s accuser, that would not
Have spared his parent?
1ST AVOCATORE: Well, produce your proofs.
CELIA: I would I could forget I were a creature!
VOLTORE: Signor Corbaccio!
4TH AVOCATORE: What is he?
VOLTORE: The father.
2ND AVOCATORE: Has he had an oath?
NOTARIO: Yes.
CORBACCIO: What must I do now?
NOTARIO: Your testimony’s craved.
CORBACCIO [not hearing]: Speak to the knave?
I’ll ha’ my mouth first stopped with earth. My heart
Abhors his knowledge. I disclaim in him.
1ST AVOCATORE: But for what cause?
CORBACCIO: The mere portent of nature.
He is an utter stranger to my loins.
110 BONARIO: Have they made you to this?
CORBACCIO: I will not hear thee,
Monster of men, swine, goat, wolf, parricide!
Speak not, thou viper.
BONARIO: Sir, I will sit down,
And rather wish my innocence should suffer,
Than I resist the authority of a father.
VOLTORE: Signor Corvino!
2ND AVOCATORE: This is strange.
1ST AVOCATORE: Who’s this?
NOTARIO: The husband.
4TH AVOCATORE: Is he sworn?
NOTARIO: He is.
3RD AVOCATORE: Speak, then.
CORVINO: This woman, please your fatherhoods, is a whore
Of most hot exercise, more than a partridge,
Upon recòrd –
1ST AVOCATORE: No more.
CORVINO: Neighs like a jennet.
NOTARIO: Preserve the honour of the court.
120 CORVINO: I shall,
And modesty of your most reverend ears.
And, yet, I hope that I may say these eyes
Have seen her glued unto that piece of cedar,
That fine, well-timbered gallant; and that here
[Indicating his brow.]
The letters may be read, thorough the horn,
That make the story perfect.
MOSCA: Excellent, sir.
CORVINO [to MOSCA]: There is no shame in this now, is there?
MOSCA: None.
CORVINO: Or if I said I hoped that she were onward
To her damnation, if there be a hell
130 Greater than whore and woman; a good Catholic
May make the doubt.
3RD AVOCATORE: His grief hath made him frantic.
1ST AVOCATORE: Remove him hence.
She [CELIA] swoons.
2ND AVOCATORE: Look to the woman!
CORVINO: Rare!
Prettily feigned! Again!
4TH AVOCATORE: Stand from about her.
1ST AVOCATORE: Give her the air.
3RD AVOCATORE [to MOSCA]: What can you say?
MOSCA: My wound,
May’t please your wisdoms, speaks for me, received
In aid of my good patron, when he missed
His sought-for father, when that well-taught dame
Had her cue given her to cry out a rape.
BONARIO: O most laid impudence! Fathers –
3RD AVOCATORE: Sir, be silent,
140 You had your hearing free, so must they theirs.
2ND AVOCATORE: I do begin to doubt th’ imposture here.
4TH AVOCATORE: This woman has too many moods.
VOLTORE: Grave fathers,
She is a creature of a most professed
And prostituted lewdness.
CORVINO: Most impetuous,
Unsatisfied, grave fathers!
VOLTORE: May her feignings
Not take your wisdoms; but this day she baited
A stranger, a grave knight, with her loose eyes
And more lascivious kisses. This man saw ’em
Together on the water in a gondola.
150 MOSCA: Here is the lady herself that saw ’em too,
Without; who, then, had in the open streets
Pursued them, but for saving her knight’s honour.
1ST AVOCATORE: Produce that lady.
[Exit MOSCA.]
2ND AVOCATORE: Let her come.
4TH AVOCATORE: These things,
They strike with wonder!
3RD AVOCATORE: I am turned a stone!
IV, vi [Re-enter MOSCA with LADY WOULD-BE.]
[MOSCA:] Be resolute, madam.
LADY WOULD-Be [pointing to CELIA]: Ay, This same is she.
Out, thou chameleon harlot! Now thine eyes
Vie tears with the hyena. Dar’st thou look
Upon my wrongèd face? – I cry your pardons.
I fear I have forgettingly transgressed
Against the dignity of the court –
2ND AVOCATORE: No, madam.
LADY WOULD-BE: And been exorbitant –
4TH AVOCATORE: You have not, lady.
These proofs are strong.
LADY WOULD-BE: Surely, I had no purpose
To scandalize your honours, or my sex’s.
3RD AVOCATORE: We do believe it.
10 LADY WOULD-BE: Surely, You may believe it.
2ND AVOCATORE: Madam, we do.
LADY WOULD-BE: Indeed, You may; my breeding
Is not so coarse –
4TH AVOCATORE: We know it.
LADY WOULD-BE: To offend
With pertinacy –
3RD AVOCATORE: Lady –
LADY WOULD-BE: Such a presence.
No, surely.
1ST AVOCATORE: We well think it.
LADY WOULD-BE: You may think it.
1ST AVOCATORE: Let her o’ ercome. [To BONARIO] What witnesses have you
To make good your report?
BONARIO: Our consciences.
CELIA: And heaven, that never fails the innocent.
4TH AVOCATORE: These are no testimonies.
BONARIO: Not in your courts,
Where multitude and clamour overcomes.
1ST AVOCATORE: Nay, then you do wax insolent.
VOLTORE is brought in, as impotent.
20 VOLTORE: Here, here,
The testimony comes that will convince,
And put to utter dumbness their bold tongues.
See here, grave fathers, here’s the ravisher,
The rider on men’s wives, the great impostor,
The grand voluptuary! Do you not think
These limbs should affect venery? Or these eyes
Covet a concubine? Pray you, mark these hands.
Are they not fit to stroke a lady’s breasts?
Perhaps he doth dissemble!
BONARIO: So he does.
VOLTORE: Would you ha’ him tortured?
30 BONARIO: I Would have him proved.
VOLTORE: Best try him, then, with goads, or burning irons;
Put him to the strappado. I have heard
The rack hath cured the gout. Faith, give it him
And help him of a malady; be courteous.
I’ll undertake, before these honoured fathers,
He shall have yet as many left diseases
As she has known adulterers, or thou strumpets.
O my most equal hearers, if these deeds,
Acts of this bold and most exorbitant strain,
40 May pass with sufferance, what one citizen
But owes the forfeit of his life, yea, fame,
To him that dares traduce him? Which of you
Are safe, my honoured fathers? I would ask,
With leave, of your grave fatherhoods, if their plot
Have any face or colour like to truth?
Or if, unto the dullest nostril here,
It smell not rank and most abhorrèd slander?
I crave your care of this good gentleman,
Whose life is much endangered by their fable;
50 And as for them, I will conclude with this:
That vicious persons, when they are hot and fleshed
In impious acts, their constancy abounds:
Damned deeds are done with greatest confidence.
1ST AVOCATORE: Take ’em to custody, and sever them.
[CELIA and BONARIO are led away.]
2ND AVOCATORE: ’Tis pity two such prodigies should live.
1ST AVOCATORE: Let the old gentleman be returned with care.
I’m sorry our credulity wronged him.
[volpone is carried out.]
4TH AVOCATORE: These are two creatures!
3RD AVOCATORE: I have an earthquake in me!
2ND AVOCATORE: Their shame, even in their cradles, fled their faces.
60 4TH AVOCATORE [to VOLTORE]: You’ve done a wormy service to the state, sir.
In their discovery.
1ST AVOCATORE: You shall hear ere night
What punishment the court decrees upon ’em.
VOLTORE: We thank your fatherhoods. –
[Exeunt AVOCATORI, NOTARIO, and others.]
How like you it?
MOSCA: Rare.
I’ d ha’ your tongue, sir, tipped with gold for this;
I’ d ha’ you be the heir to the whole city;
The earth I’ d have want men, ere you want living.
They’ re bound to erect your statue in St Mark’s.
Signor Corvino, I would have you go
And show yourself, that you have conquered.
CORVINO: Yes.
70 MOSCA: It was much better than you should profess
Yourself a cuckold, thus, than that the other
Should have been proved.
CORVINO: Nay, I considered that.
Now, it is her fault.
MOSCA: Then, it had been yours.
CORVINO: True. I do doubt this advocate still.
MOSCA: I’ faith,
You need not; I dare ease you of that care.
CORVINO: I trust thee, Mosca.
MOSCA: As your own soul, sir.
[Exit CORVINO.]
CORBACCIO: Mosca!
MOSCA: Now for your business, sir.
CORBACCIO: How! Ha’ you business?
MOSCA: Yes, yours, sir.
CORBACCIO: O, none else?
MOSCA: None else, not I.
CORBACCIO: Be careful then.
MOSCA: Rest you with both your eyes, sir.
CORBACCIO: Dispatch it.
MOSCA: Instantly.
80 CORBACCIO: And look that all
Whatever be put in: jewels, plate, moneys,
Household-stuff, bedding, curtains.
MOSCA: Curtain-rings, sir;
Only the advocate’s fee must be deducted.
CORBACCIO: I’ll pay him now; you’ ll be too prodigal.
MOSCA: Sir, I must tender it.
CORBACCIO: Two chequins is well?
MOSCA: No, six, sir.
CORBACCIO: ’Tis too much.
MOSCA: He talked a great while,
You must consider that, sir.
CORBACCIO: Well, there’s three –
MOSCA: I’ll give it him.
CORBACCIO: Do so, and there’s for thee.
[Exit.]
MOSCA [aside]:Bountiful bones! What horrid, strange offence
90 Did he commit ’ gainst nature in his youth,
Worthy this age? [To VOLTORE] You see, sir, how I work
Unto your ends; take you no notice.
VOLTORE: No,
I’ll leave you.
[Exit VOLTORE.]
MOSCA: All is yours – the devil and all,
Good advocate! – [To LADY WOULD-BE] Madam, I’ll bring you home.
LADY WOULD-BE: No, I’ll go see your patron.
MOSCA: That you shall not.
I’ll tell you why: my purpose is to urge
My patron to reform his will, and for
The zeal you’ ve shown today, whereas before
You were but third or fourth, you shall be now
100 Put in the first; which would appear as begged
If you were present. Therefore –
LADY WOULD-BE: You shall sway me.
[Exeunt.]
ACT FIVE
V, i [SCENE ONE]
[VOLPONE’S house.]
[Enter VOLPONE.]
[VOLPONE:] Well, I am here, and all this brunt is past.
I ne’er was in dislike with my disguise
Till this fled moment. Here, ’twas good, in private,
But in your public – Cavè, whilst I breathe
’ Fore God, my left leg ’ gan to have the cramp,
And I apprehended, straight, some power had struck me
With a dead palsy. Well, I must be merry
And shake it off. A many of these fears
Would put me into some villainous disease
10 Should they come thick upon me. I’ll prevent ’em.
Give me a bowl of lusty wine to fright
This humour from my heart Hum, hum, hum!
He drinks.
’Tis almost gone already; I shall conquer.
Any device, now, of rare, ingenious knavery
That would possess me with a violent laughter,
Would make me up again. So, so, so, so.
Drinks again.
This heat is life; ’tis blood by this time! Mosca!
v, ii [Enter MOSCA.]
V, ii [MOSCA:] How now, sir? Does the day look clear again?
Are we recovered? and wrought out of error
Into our way, to see our paw before us?
Is our trade free once more?
VOLPONE: Exquisite Mosca!
MOSCA: Was it not carried learnedly?
VOLPONE: And stoutly.
Good wits are greatest in extremities.
MOSCA: It were a folly beyond thought to trust
Any grand act unto a cowardly spirit.
You are not taken with it enough, methinks?
10 VOLPONE: O, more than if I had enjoyed the wench.
The pleasure of all womankind’s not like it.
MOSCA: Why, now you speak, sir! We must here be fixed;
Here we must rest. This is our masterpiece;
We cannot think to go beyond this.
VOLPONE: True,
Th’ ast played thy prize, my precious Mosca.
MOSCA: Nay, sir,
To gull the court –
VOLPONE: And quite divert the torrent
Upon the innocent.
MOSCA: Yes, and to make
So rare a music out of discords –
VOLPONE: Right.
That yet to me ’s the strangest; how th’ ast borne it!
20 That these, being so divided ’ mongst themselves,
Should not scent somewhat, or in me or thee,
Or doubt their own side.
MOSCA: True, they will not see’t.
Too much light blinds ’em, I think. Each of ’em
Is so possessed and stuffed with his own hopes
That anything unto the contrary,
Never so true, or never so apparent,
Never so palpable, they will resist it –
VOLPONE: Like a temptation of the devil.
MOSCA: Right, sir.
Merchants may talk of trade, and your great signiors
30 Of land that yields well; but if Italy
Have any glebe more fruitful than these fellows,
I am deceived. Did not your advocate rare?
VOLPONE: O – ‘My most honoured fathers, my grave fathers,
Under correction of your fatherhoods,
What face of truth is here? If these strange deeds
May pass, most honoured fathers’ – I had much ado
To forbear laughing.
MOSCA: ’T seemed to me you sweat, sir.
VOLPONE: In troth, I did a little.
MOSCA: But confess, sir;
Were you not daunted?
VOLPONE: In good faith, I was
40 A little in a mist, but not dejected;
Never but still myself.
MOSCA: I think it, sir.
Now, so truth help me, I must needs say this, sir,
And out of conscience for your advocate:
He’s taken pains, in faith, sir, and deserved,
In my poor judgement, I speak it under favour,
Not to contrary you, sir, very richly –
Well – to be cozened.
VOLPONE: Troth, and I think so too,
By that I heard him in the latter end.
MOSCA: O, but before, sir, had you heard him first
50 Draw it to certain heads, then aggravate,
Then use his vehement figures – I looked still
When he would shift a shirt; and doing this
Out of pure love, no hope of gain –
VOLPONE: ’Tis right.
I cannot answer him, Mosca, as I would,
Not yet; but for thy sake, at thy entreaty,
I will begin e’ en now to vex ’em all,
This very instant.
MOSCA: Good, sir.
VOLPONE: Call the dwarf
And eunuch forth.
MOSCA: Castrone! Nano!
[Enter CASTRONE and NANO.]
NANO: Here.
VOLPONE: Shall we have a jig now?
MOSCA: What you please, sir.
VOLPONE: Go,
60 Straight give out about the streets, you two,
That I am dead; do it with constancy,
Sadly, do you hear? Impute it to the grief
Of this late slander.
[Exeunt CASTRONE and NANO.]
MOSCA: What do you mean, sir?
VOLPONE: O,
I shall have instantly my vulture, crow,
Raven, come flying hither on the news
To peck for carrion, my she-wolf and all,
Greedy and full of expectation –
MOSCA: And then to have it ravished from their mouths?
VOLPONE: ’Tis true. I will ha’ thee put on a gown,
70 And take upon thee as thou wert mine heir;
Show ’em a will. Open that chest and reach
Forth one of those that has the blanks. I’ll straight
Put in thy name.
MOSCA: It will be rare, sir.
VOLPONE: Ay,
When they e’ en gape, and find themselves deluded –
MOSCA: Yes.
VOLPONE: And thou use them scurvily! Dispatch,
Get on thy gown.
MOSCA: But what, sir, if they ask
After the body?
VOLPONE: Say it was corrupted.
MOSCA: I’ll say it stunk, sir; and was fain t’ have it
Coffined up instantly and sent away.
80 VOLPONE: Anything, what thou wilt. Hold, here’s my will.
Get thee a cap, a count-book, pen and ink,
Papers afore thee; sit as thou wert taking
An inventory of parcels. I’ll get up
Behind the curtain, on a stool, and hearken;
Sometime peep over, see how they do look,
With what degrees their blood doth leave their faces.
O, ’twill afford me a rare meal of laughter!
MOSCA: Your advocate will turn stark dull upon it.
VOLPONE: It will take off his oratory’s edge.
90 MOSCA But your clarissimo, old round-back, he
Will crump you like a hog-louse with the touch.
VOLPONE: And what Corvino?
MOSCA: O sir, look for him
Tomorrow morning with a rope and dagger
To visit all the streets; he must run mad.
My lady too, that came into the court
To bear false witness for your worship –
VOLPONE: Yes,
And kissed me ’ fore the fathers, when my face
Flowed all with oils –
MOSCA: And sweat, sir.
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