I’ve never been with a woman before.”

“God I love you!” she coos. “See? That’s what I’m talking about, Nicki.”

“What?”

“You don’t even realize what you said. And that’s what makes you so amazing!”

“Thanks. But I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“You said you’ve never been with a woman.”

“I haven’t.”

She smiles. “What you didn’t say is you’ve never been with a girl before. After pointing out I’m technically a minor, you referred to me as a woman.”

“Well, that’s how I see you.”

She grins.

Figuring this is as good a time as any to get back on subject, I dive right in: “You said you found your father naked, but that wasn’t the worst part. What was?”

And she says:

7.

12:50 a.m.

“HE WAS HOLDING his penis.”

“Excuse me?”

“He had a hard on.”

“Oh, Jess!”

“It’s…I mean—the police called it auto-something.”

“Had he been watching porn?”

She does a double-take. “How did you know?”

“Autoerotic asphyxiation.”

“That’s it. But what does it mean? Was Daddy a pervert?”

“Of course not.”

“Mom says he was. Michael said it too.”

“Because of this?”

“Uh huh.”

“Had he ever done anything else?”

“I don’t know. They won’t say.”

“Were they shocked?”

“Totally!”

“Then it’s probably his first time. And your mom’s probably pissed at him for taking his life. But that doesn’t mean he was a pervert. I’m certain he wasn’t.”

“Then why would he…I mean, Mom and Michael won’t even talk to me about it.”

“Don’t be too harsh on them. They’re trying to protect you because—”

“They still think of me as a child.”

“Exactly. But I don’t see you that way. So if you really want to hear about it, I’m glad to give you my take. Then again, it’s your dad we’re talking about, so if you’re not comfortable, just tell me and I won’t say another word.”

“It’s okay. I want to know what happened.”

“It’s pretty simple, really. Your dad was jerking off, nothing more.”

“Well, it was clearly a lot more.”

“Right. Of course it was. What I meant was, autoerotic asphyxiation is jerking off while cutting off oxygen to the brain.”

“By hanging himself?”

“It’s more common than you think. A lot of famous people do it.”

“Like who?”

“Singers. Celebrities. Movie stars.”

“Why?”

“For the rush. They tie a noose, stand on a bucket or whatever, and jack off. As the noose tightens, it cuts off the oxygen to the brain, and it’s supposed to create some sort of high.”

“Like a drug?”

“That’s my understanding.”

“I don’t get it.”

“You don’t? Have you never masturbated?”

She blushes.

“It’s okay. We all do. Even your mom.”

“What?”

“I guarantee it.”

“Eew!”

“Relax. Everyone does it.”

“You too?”

“Especially me.”

She laughs.

“But your dad apparently took it to another level.