I don’t know all the technical details, but if you’re interested I’ve got an expert right here in my pocket.” I pull out my phone, access the search engine, scan the first article that pops up, read it, then translate: “It has to do with the carotid arteries in your neck. When they get compressed, the sudden loss of oxygen to the brain causes something called hypoxia. When combined with an orgasm, it produces a high that’s equivalent to cocaine, and just as addictive.”

“Wow. You think Daddy was into that?”

“I don’t know.”

“What else does it say?”

“Just that the people who do it are called gaspers, because they’re gasping for breath.”

“It’s practically suicide.”

“I think that’s part of the allure. They’re gambling they’ll be able to loosen the rope before passing out, and they usually do. But when it goes wrong, it’s deadly.”

I look up to see an icy look pass over her face. She says, “If Mom had been giving it up for Daddy he’d still be alive. Don’t you agree, Michael?”

From behind me, Michael snarls, “Don’t you ever say that again!”

“Were you spying on us?” I say, unable to contain the anger in my voice.

“Don’t be stupid. I just got here. But I have to admit I was surprised to wake up and see you left the room the one night in my life I needed you most.”

“Get used to it,” I whisper, looking straight into Jessie’s eyes.

“I’m sorry, did you just say something?” he says, without trying to hide his bitterness.

Jess comes to my defense: “She only left the room because I asked her to. I couldn’t sleep. But it’s sure nice to know you had no problem sleeping.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He grabs my arm and spins me around so I have to look at him. “What did you tell her about me?”

“Leave her alone!” Jess says, jumping to her feet. “What’s your problem, Michael? She didn’t say anything about you.”

He gives her a long look, then growls, “Party’s over. Let’s go, Nicki.”

“I don’t think so,” I say.

His eyes are like two smoldering coals. He’s livid. Angrier than I’ve ever seen him, which is a perfect reason not to accompany him back to his fuck den. Not that I needed a perfect reason. I pull away from Michael’s grip and look at Jessie. “Got any space in your room for me?”

“Of course,” she says. “Michael, stop being a jerk. You were asleep and Nicki was just trying to comfort me.”

“Fuck you both,” he says, and stomps off.

Jessie says, “Has he ever treated you like this before?”

I shrug. “Like I said, we’re not compatible.”

“What happened tonight between you guys?”

I bite my lip. “I probably shouldn’t tell you.”

“You can tell me anything.”

“He raped me.”

“What?”

“He was upset about your dad, and took it out on me. I’m sure he didn’t mean it.”

“Don’t make excuses for him,” she snaps. Then softens her voice. “Are you okay?”

“I’m sore, but…yeah. Sadly, I’ve had worse experiences, though it’s been a while.”

“You definitely need to bail on the relationship.”

“I know.”

“Not in a week or two. Right now!”

“I don’t want to be cruel.”

“Are you kidding me?” she says.

“I especially don’t want your mom to think I’m abandoning him when he needs me.”

“You’ve got no choice, Nicki. I’ve never seen that side of him.