The first two times she vomited, and last night she accused me of rape. On the bright side, she loves my sister Jess, and my mom, and they adore her. And when she and I are alone and she’s in a good mood (which is rare) she’s funny as hell, fun to be around, gives great hand jobs, and has no problem peeing in front of me or walking around the house completely naked. I mentioned the peeing not because I’m weird, but because you’d assume any girl who doesn’t want to be touched below the waist would also feel uncomfortable peeing in front of me. But strangely, it’s not an issue.

2.

FOR THE LONGEST time I had no idea why Nicki was so freaked out about the touching. Then Mom told me about Nicki’s childhood, and how she bounced from one foster family to the next, after being subjected to the worst abuse imaginable. It broke my heart. I decided whatever Nicki’s shortcomings might be, the good outweighed the bad. And until yesterday we’d been getting along better than ever. She was even considering seeing a therapist to help her with her intimacy issues.

What’s that they say? What a difference a day makes? Yesterday we were in the same coffee shop where we met, laughing and having a great time…then Mom called to say Dad hanged himself, and from there everything turned to shit and Nicki morphed back into Crazy Nicki. It started the minute we got to Mom and Dad’s house, when the detectives separated us and asked us tons of questions about Nicki’s relationship with my dad.

My dad?

Next thing you know, Mom’s convinced Nicki’s been having an affair with Dad. I knew better, but didn’t want to tell her about Nicki’s intimacy issues. Then last night we were in bed and I was upset and Nicki was being super nice, trying to comfort me. With all the emotions swirling through my brain, I went for it. The entire event lasted maybe forty seconds, and as always I didn’t get to finish because she rushed to the bathroom and locked herself inside until I fell asleep. A couple hours later I noticed she’d left the room and I went looking for her and found her in the hotel lobby, telling Jess I raped her.

And Jess totally bought it.

That was the final straw. I get that Nicki has serious intimacy issues, but I dare her to show one bruise or mark anywhere on her body that would offer the slightest suggestion of rape.

But that’s Nicki.

I’ll stop short of calling her a liar, because who knows what goes on in her mind during the act of sex? But as God is my witness, I didn’t rape her, and nor was I rough with her. Was I excited? Yes. After all, she didn’t retch. Did I approach the event with great enthusiasm? Certainly. After all, she didn’t throw a fit when I touched her down there.

Mom said it best a while ago: since yesterday afternoon we’ve been on an emotional roller coaster. Between Dad hanging himself while jacking off, and the revelations from Jess about how he stole Nicki’s panties last March, and all the crap Detective Broadus has accused Nicki of, and her bombshell that Dad paid her more than a million dollars to dump me and run off with him—it’s just too much to deal with. But through it all, Nicki’s good qualities were on display. Astonishingly—if she’s to be believed—instead of keeping all the money Dad gave her, she transferred it to me. And the crazy thing is, I believe her. I absolutely do. Because one thing I’ll say about Nicki: she’s immune to money. Never once has she asked me for any, or asked about our family’s money, or what my dad did for a living, or even what sort of assets or trust funds I might have.

She doesn’t have a greedy bone in her body.

3.

I’LL TELL YOU something else about Nicki: my dad was a very nice-looking guy who looked years younger than his true age of forty-two. And while that’s a big age difference for Nicki, I doubt many women would turn down $1.2 million to have an affair with my dad. True, she wouldn’t have wanted the sex.