This was not to be wondered
at. If Terry had the defects of his qualities he also had the
qualities of his defects, and he did good work for the Allies.
Ellador, rather unexpectedly asked to stay awhile: "It is hard,"
she said, "but we may not come again perhaps, and I want to learn
all I can."
So we stayed and Ellador learned. It did not take her long. She
was a rapid reader, and soon found the right books. She was a
marvellous listener, and many were glad to talk to her, and to show
her things.
We investigated in London, Manchester, Birmingham; were
entertained in beautiful country places; went motoring up into
Scotland and in Ireland; visited Wales, and then, to my great
surprise, she urged that we go to France.
"I want to see, to know," she said. "To really know ."
I was worried about her. She had a hard-set fixity of
expression. Her unfailing gentleness was too firm of surface, and
she talked less and less with me about social conditions.
We went to France.
She visited hospitals, looking at those broken men, those mained
and blinded boys, and grew paler and harder daily. Day by day she
gathered in the new language, till soon she could talk with the
people.
Then we ran across Terry, scouting about with his machine; and
Ellador asked to be taken up—she wanted to see a battlefield. I
tried to dissuade her from this, fearing for her. Even her splendid
health seemed shaken by all she had witnessed. But she said: "It is
my duty to see and know all I can. This is not, they tell
me—exceptional? This—war ?"
"Not at all," said Terry. "It's only bigger than usual, as most
things are now. Why, in all our history there have only been about
three hundred years without war."
She looked at him, her eyes widening, darkening. "When was
that?" she said. "After Jesus came?"
Terry laughed. "Oh no," he said. "It wasn't any one time. It's
three hundred years here and there, scattering. So you see war is
really the normal condition of human life."
"So," she said. "Then I ought to see it. Take me up,
please."
He didn't want to; said it was dangerous; but it was very hard
to say no to Ellador, and she had her way. She saw the battle lines
of trenches. She saw the dead men; she saw and heard the men not
dead, where there had been recent fighting. She saw the ruins,
ruins everywhere.
That night she was like a woman of marble, cold, dumb, sitting
still by the window where she could rest her eyes on the far stars.
She treated me with a great poignant tenderness, as one would treat
a beloved friend whose whole family had become lepers.
We went back to England, and she spent the last weeks of our
stay there finding out all she could about Belgium.
That was the breaking point. She locked the door of her room,
but I heard her sobbing her heart out—Ellador, who had never in all
her splendid young life had an experience of pain, and whose
consciousness was mainly social. We feel these horrors as happening
to other people; she felt them as happening to herself.
I broke the lock—I had to get to her. She would not speak, would
not look at me, but buried her face in the pillow, shuddering away
from me as if I, too, were a German. The great sobs tore her.
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