It
was, I suddenly felt, not like the facile tears of an ordinary
woman, but like the utter breakdown of a strong man. And she was as
ashamed of it.
Then I had enough enlightenment to see some little relief for
her, not from the weight of horrible new knowledge, but from the
added burden of her selfrestraint.
I knelt beside her and got her into my arms, her head hidden on
my shoulder. "Dear," said I,
"Dear—I can't help the horror, but at least I can help you bear
it—and you can let me try. You see you're all alone here—I'm all
you've got. You'll have to let it out somehow— just say it all to
me."
She held me very close then, with a tense, frightened grip. "I
want—I want—my Mother!" she sobbed.
Ellador's mother was one of those wise women who sat in the
Temples, and gave comfort and counsel when needed. They loved each
other more than I, not seeing them always together, had understood.
Yet her mother had counseled her going, had urged it, for the sake
of their laud and its future.
"Mother! Mother! Mother!" she sobbed under her breath. "Oh—
Mother! Help me bear it!"
There was no Mother and no Temple, only one man who loved her,
and in that she seemed to find a little ease, and slowly grew
quieter.
"There is one thing we know more about than you do," I
suggested. "That is how to manage pain. You mustn't keep it to
yourself—you must let it out—let the others help bear it. That's
good psychology, dear."
"It seems so—unkind," she murmured.
"Oh, no, it's not unkind; it's just necessary. 'Bear ye one
another's burdens,' you know. Also we have a nice proverb about
marriage. 'It makes joy double and halveth trouble.' Just pile it
on me, dearest—that's what a husband is for."
"But how can I say to you the things I feel? It seems so rude,
so to reflect on your people—your civilization."
"I think you underrate two things," I suggested. "One is that
I'm a human creature, even if male; the other that my visit to
Herland, my life with you, has had a deep effect on me. I see the
awfulness of war as I never did before, and I can even see a little
of how it must affect you. What I want you to do now is to relieve
the pressure of feeling which is hurting so, by putting it into
words—letting it out. Say it all. Say the very worst. Say—'This
world is not civilized, not human. It is worse than the humble
savagery below our mountains.' Let out, dear—I can stand it. And
you'll feel better."
She lifted her head and drew a long, shuddering breath.
"I think you are right—there must be some relief. And here are
You!" Suddenly she threw her arms around me and held me close,
close.
"You do love me—I can feel it! A little—a very little—like
mother love! I am so grateful!"
She rested in my arms, till the fierce tempest of pain had
passed somewhat, and then we sat down, close together, and she
followed my advice, seeking to visualize, to put in words, to fully
express, the anguish which was upon her.
"You see," she began slowly, "it is hard for me to do this
because I hate to hurt you. You must care so—so horribly."
"Stop right there, dear," I told her. "You overestimate my
sensitiveness. What I feel is nothing at all to what you feel—I can
see that. Remember that in our race-traditions war is a fine thing,
a splendid thing. We have idealized war and the warrior, through
all our history. You have read a good deal of our history by
now."
She had, I knew, and she nodded her head sadly. "Yes, it's
practically all about war," she agreed.
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