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‘Let no man expect to frighten me, by a few hard words, into embarking … upon desperate adventures of morality,’ he declares. Earlier, he confesses it, ‘as a besetting infirmity of mine, that … I hanker too much after a state of happiness…. I cannot face misery’.
28 But De Quincey cannot escape misery either, and is repeatedly staggered by his own suffocating sense of humiliation and paralysis. ‘I had the power, if I could raise myself, to will it’, he writes; ‘and yet again had not the power, for the weight of twenty Atlantics was upon me, or the oppression of inexpiable guilt.’
29 As hedonism collides with shame, De Quincey often half admits the very sin he is bent on denying: ‘Guilt … I do not acknowledge: and, if I did, it is possible that I might still resolve on the present act of confession.’
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