Better yet, people will accept your apologies and forgive you for having screwed up.
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YOU DO
Say, “I’m sorry,” and mean it.
YOU DON’T
Say, “I’m sorry,” if you don’t really mean it or if you’re just trying to get somebody off your back. People are smarter than you think; they know a phony apology when they hear one.
Why
Being a good guy means that you admit it when you do things that hurt or inconvenience other people.
YOU DO
Say more than “I’m sorry” if the occasion calls for it. For example, if you throw a baseball and smash the neighbor’s window, you say, “I’m sorry I broke your window. I’ll make sure it gets replaced.” If you can’t afford to pay for something you have broken, you can offer to work out an arrangement that will allow you to correct your mistake. Maybe you can work out a deal with your parents so that they will give you an advance on your allowance, or maybe they will let you do some extra work around the house to earn the money you need.
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YOU DON’T
Assume that saying “I’m sorry” always gets you off the hook.
Why
A gentleman knows that sometimes a few words are not enough to fix a mistake. Part of growing up is learning what you really need to do when you’ve damaged somebody’s property or hurt another person’s feelings.
A gentleman, who has offended another person, says, “I’m sorry.”
A gentleman does his best not to offend anyone on purpose, but if he realizes that he has offended another person because he didn’t think before he spoke or acted, he immediately apologizes.
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A gentleman knows that saying “I’m sorry” will not mean much if he does not try to do better. You can only get away with forgetting to feed the dog so many times before your parents, and the dog, start growling at you.
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Chapter 5
ACCEPTING AN APOLOGY
Let’s say a friend’s dog has chewed up a comic book you let your friend borrow. The friend says, “I’m sorry.” You might respond in one of two ways. You might say, “That’s Okay. Stuff like that happens.” Or you might say, “You idiot. Why did you leave my comic book lying around where your dumb dog could eat it?”
Sometimes, it’s hard to say, “I accept your apology.” But most of the time it is the right thing to do. Because you want to do the gentlemanly thing, you try to put yourself in your friend’s place. If it had been your dog that destroyed your friend’s property, you would feel miserable. You would hope that your friend would give you a break, so you try to cut him some slack as well.
If your brother forgets to replace the toilet paper roll after he has used the last of it and he says, “My bad. I’m sorry,” you accept the apology. Similarly, if the server in a restaurant brings you a sandwich you didn’t order, and he says, “I’m sorry. Let me make that right,” you accept the apology. After all, that’s what you’d want them to do for you.
YOU DO
Forgive someone when he or she says, “I’m sorry.” Then you move along, as if the mistake never happened.
YOU DON’T
Let yourself be taken advantage of. If your friend’s dog chews up your comic book every time you loan him one, you may still accept his apology—but you don’t have to loan him any more comic books.
Why
Being a gentleman does not mean you have to let people treat you badly. Sometimes, if someone does the same inconsiderate things or hurts your feelings over and over again, you may want to keep your distance from them.
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YOU DO
Say, “That’s Okay,” when someone apologizes.
YOU DON’T
Say, “That’s Okay, just don’t let it happen again,” or “That’s Okay, but try not to be so stupid next time.”
Why
It’s not fair to pretend to accept a person’s apology and still try to make that person feel rotten. When you accept an apology, it’s best to use as few words as possible—especially if, deep inside, you’re still feeling angry or upset.
A gentleman knows how to forgive and forget.
A gentleman does not keep reminding his friends about their past mistakes. If he finds that he is getting tired of the same old problems occurring, he might want to think about getting new friends.
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Chapter 6
INTRODUCING YOUR FRIENDS TO YOUR PARENTS
Your parents don’t want to run your life. But they do have the right to ask a few questions.
Let’s say they run into you at the mall or in the park, and see you talking to someone they do not know. If you just wave at your mom or dad and then go on talking with your friend, your parents may be thinking, “That’s a cute girl. I wonder if she’s his girlfriend? I bet she’d make a lovely daughter-in-law and their children would be beautiful.” Or they may be thinking, “That kid looks like trouble. I think I saw him on the ten o’clock news last night.” Or they might be thinking, “This child I raised from a baby has no manners. I have failed terribly.” (And that would be the worst thing possible.)
You don’t want them thinking any of these things—especially about the girl. But it can be easy to nip that idea in the bud.
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You definitely don’t want your parents coming over to you and saying something like, “Scott must not want us to meet you. Just how do you know our son?” Or “Our son obviously has no manners. Hi, I’m Scott’s mom.” Or the worst: “Well, since Scott won’t introduce us, I will just have to assume that you are his girlfriend.”
You can stop all of this very easily if you just start introducing your friends to your parents.
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