It is really painless, and, if you do it right away, they’ll have less time to think of something to say that will embarrass you.
YOU DO
Say, “Dad, this is Michael. He’s on my baseball team.” Or “Mom, I’d like you to meet Jessica. We go to school together.”
YOU DON’T
Just say, “Dad, this is Michael.” Or “Mom, this is Jessica.”
Why
When you give your parents a little information about your friends, it gives them a chance to say something that doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable—something like, “So Michael, what position do you play?” Give your parents a break. They are probably much more interesting than you think, and having parents your friends like is a great thing for you.
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YOU DO
Feel free to add something interesting about your parents when you introduce your friends to them. You might say, “My dad used to play third base, too,” or “My mom had Mr. Caldwell as a principal. She said he was mean back then, too.”
YOU DON’T
Assume your parents are simply going to go away once you’ve made your introduction. They are going to want to get to know your friends.
Why
When you lead the introduction process, you get to control the conversation. That way, there will be a much smaller chance that unfortunate topics, such as your bad report card or girlfriends, will come up. It is good to be in charge, once in a while. This can be the moment when you really impress your parents, and your friends.
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A gentleman always introduces the younger person to the older person. He says, “Dad, this is Michael.” He does not say, “Michael, this is my dad.” That works on every occasion, not just with your parents. For example, it’s right to say, “Grandpa, this is Michael.” It’s wrong to say, “Michael, this is my grandpa.”
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Chapter 7
SAYING “MA’AM” AND “SIR”
In some parts of the country, young gentlemen are brought up to say “ma’am” and “sir” when they are talking to older people. In other places, people never say “ma’am” or “sir.”
If you live in Maine and you are visiting your grandmother in Georgia, you might think it sounds stupid when you hear your cousins saying “ma’am” and “sir.” But if you’re from Georgia and are visiting your grandmother in Maine, you might think your cousins are being rude when they answer adults by simply saying “yes” or “no.”
It is not so important what you say, but how you say it. If what you say is said with kindness and respect, it will be the right thing to say.
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YOU DO
Answer questions adults ask you with kindness and respect. “Yes, thank you” or “Yes, sir” are both correct.
YOU DON’T
Answer an adult with a simple “Nope” or “Yep.”
Why
Every person, not just the adults in your life, deserves a respectful response to questions they ask.
YOU DO
Respect the regional differences among people who live in different parts of the country and the world.
YOU DON’T
Make fun of people because their traditions are different from yours or because they speak with an accent that doesn’t sound like most of the people you know.
Why
Different is not wrong. It is simply different. If you go through life making fun of everybody who is different from you, you will miss out on a lot of great experiences.
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If a gentleman is confused because another person’s behavior is different from what he has been taught to do, he does not make fun of that person. He never calls attention to someone else’s behavior in a public setting.
If a young gentleman does not understand another person’s behavior, he asks his parents—or another adult—about it. But he waits until they are in private before he requests an explanation.
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Chapter 8
ASKING PERMISSION
You might think that you can stop using the things you’ve learned in this book once you’ve left home and are living on your own. Sorry to burst your bubble, but almost everything you learn in this book is something you will need to use throughout your entire life.
You will still need to say “Thank you” and “Excuse me” and write thank-you notes and show appreciation for gifts you really don’t like.
The same goes for asking permission. You may think that when you get older you won’t have to ask permission to do what you want to do.
Wrong.
The only changes will be the type of things that you have to ask permission to do. Right now, you might have to ask your dad if you can go to the movies with your buddies. But your dad may also have to ask your mom if he can go on a golf weekend with his buddies, and your mom may have to ask her boss if she can change her work hours. See, it never changes.
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But one thing that you can do now is learn how to ask for permission and how to react appropriately if you don’t get what you want. It will work for you for the rest of your life.
YOU DO
Ask anytime you are not sure if something is acceptable for you to do.
YOU DON’T
Figure it is easier to beg to be forgiven later, rather than ask permission now.
Why
If you want to stay out an hour later than your normal curfew, it is better to ask beforehand, rather than just staying out and hoping your parents will be Okay with it. If you don’t ask their permission, you’ll be running the risk of worrying them and of being punished for your poor judgment. If you ask permission beforehand, you are showing your parents that you respect them and, at the same time, you are giving them an opportunity to show that they trust you. If you ask them for little things instead of doing things without permission—like staying out for an extra hour—then, when you get older, you’ll stand a better chance of getting permission for bigger privileges, like a weekend trip with your friends.
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YOU DO
Accept a “no” when you hear it.
YOU DON’T
Whine, complain, and moan when you don’t get your way.
Why
Your brother may have a good reason for not letting you use his bike. While it might seem unfair, it is best not to make a scene.
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