A gentleman turns off the television and talks to his grandma.
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Adults aren’t always trying to give you orders and make your life harder. Sometimes they’re trying to do something nice for you or offer you some help. That’s why it’s important to learn to listen.
YOU DO
Remove your earbuds, turn down the television, or take a break from your video game when an adult wants to talk to you.
YOU DON’T
Say, “I’m busy now” or “Can’t you see I’m busy?” or “I’ll get back to you when I’m done.”
Why
It’s important for you to learn to use the pause button. No matter how busy you think you are, you can always take a break from what you are doing to pay attention to another real live human being. They may need to tell you something important, or they may need to ask you a serious question. Even if what they want to talk about doesn’t seem important to you, you can simply say, “Can we talk a little later?” That way, you’re showing the adult the same respect you’d like the adult to show you.
YOU DO
Try to take the time to have a real conversation with the adults in your life. Having a real conversation means answering questions, asking questions, and trying to speak in full sentences.
YOU DON’T
Use words like “Yeah,” “Nope,” “What?” and “Huh?” when you’re having a conversation with an adult.
Why
At some point you are going to be really glad you got to spend time with the adults in your life, and you will cherish that time. You’ll be glad you got to know your parents and grandparents and the other adults who care about you. The only real way you are going to be able to get to know each other is by learning to talk and listen.
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A gentleman looks adults in the eye when he is talking to them.
A gentleman doesn’t try to carry on a conversation while he is staring at a television set or a computer screen.
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Chapter 13
SHAKING HANDS
This one really impresses older people. Knowing how to shake hands will make your parents look good—and you should never underestimate how great that can be for you. It also makes you look like someone your friends’ parents can trust.
If parents see that you know how to shake hands properly, they will assume that you are more grown-up. They will judge you positively if you know how to present yourself when meeting people or making introductions.
YOU DO
Wait for an older person to offer a handshake before you stick out your hand. (Almost everyone who is going to want to shake your hand is probably going to be older than you.)
YOU DON’T
Offer any type of handshake other than a simple, firm but painless grip with a couple of modest pumps.
Why
Most adults are not up on current eight-part handshakes. Stick with the basics with your elders.
YOU DO
Wait for a lady to extend her hand to you before you offer to shake her hand.
YOU DON’T
Try to break her hand by grasping her hand too tightly.
Why
There’s no telling what type of horrible chores you might have to do for an older woman whose hand you have crushed. You might have to wash her laundry, mow her lawn, or do other horrible things.
YOU DO
Explain to someone who offers his or her hand to you if there’s a reason you can’t shake hands. It is Okay to say, “I’ve been working on my bike and my hand is covered in grease.”
YOU DON’T
Shake someone’s hand and then apologize for making his or her palm as greasy as yours.
Why
Maybe this person was planning to write you a check or do something else nice for you, and now can’t, because you mucked up the person’s hand with axle grease.
A gentleman laughs when his grandfather pretends to double over in pain because the young gentleman’s handshake is so firm and strong—but only if his grandfather is just pretending.
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If his grandfather really is in pain, a gentleman doesn’t think it’s funny. He keeps in mind that he may need to take it easy when shaking hands with some older people.
A gentleman does not make any comments if another person’s handshake is weak or limp.
A gentleman tries to make sure that his own handshake is firm and friendly.
If a gentleman is wearing gloves outside and it is very cold, he does not have to remove them before shaking hands.
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Chapter 14
MEETING PEOPLE WITH PHYSICAL CHALLENGES
This has probably happened to you already: You have seen someone at the mall, or somewhere else, who has a physical challenge. Or you may have been introduced to a person with a physical challenge. It could be an older person in a wheelchair or a guy your own age who has an artificial leg. It is Okay for you to wonder why someone has a bad scar or only has one arm. It is not Okay, however, to ask that person, “What happened to you?”
You may feel awkward when you meet a person with a physical challenge. But you should do your best not to stare. Until you know the person well, it is not a good idea to ask questions about his or her challenges.
YOU DO
Say, “It’s nice to meet you,” when you are introduced to someone with a physical challenge—just the same as when you are introduced to any new acquaintance.
YOU DON’T
Say, “What happened to your leg [or your face]?” when you are introduced to a person with a physical challenge.
Why
When you focus on just one aspect of a person’s life, you are probably missing out on a lot. How would you feel if every time you met someone, they simply stared at your hair or your nose? What if they asked you, “How did you get so fat?” or “Why are you so skinny?” You know there is a lot more to you than the way you look. It’s the same with a person who has a physical challenge.
When a gentleman meets someone with a physical challenge, he never blurts out remarks such as, “I would die if that happened to me.”
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When a gentleman is introduced to someone in a wheelchair, he never asks, “Will you ever be able to walk again?”
A gentleman offers any assistance he can to physically challenged people. He offers them the same courtesies he would other people, such as opening doors.
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Chapter 15
ACCEPTING A GIFT YOU DON’T LIKE
Underwear
Classical music
Arts and crafts projects
Really thick books
Really thick books about history
Ugly sweaters
Ugly sweaters with snowmen on them
Maybe you can look at this list and say, “I’d love that.” Then, good for you. There is nothing wrong with getting a snowman sweater or a thick book or even underwear as a gift if that is something you really want or need. But it may not be what you want to find when you open a package on your birthday or at Christmas or Hanukkah. At those times it is important to remember that it is not what is inside the package that matters. What matters is that someone took the time to do something he or she thought was nice for you.
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