It was
as if Jones were again and again questioning himself as to the matter
of his utterances, as if he doubted whether they should not rather be
treated as dreams, and dismissed as trifles without consequence.
He said once to me: "People do tell their dreams, I know; but
isn't it usually felt that they are telling nothing? That's what I am
afraid of."
I told him that I thought we might throw a great deal of light on
very dark places if more dreams were told.
"But there," I said, "is the difficulty. I doubt whether the
dreams that I am thinking of can be told. There are dreams
that are perfectly lucid from beginning to end, and also perfectly
insignificant. There are others which are blurred by a failure of
memory, perhaps only on one point: you dream of a dead man as if he
were alive. Then there are dreams which are prophetic: there seems,
on the whole, no doubt of that. Then you may have sheer clotted
nonsense; I once chased Julius Cæsar all over London to get his
recipe for curried eggs. But, besides these, there is a certain dream
of another order: utter lucidity up to the moment of waking, and then
perceived to be beyond the power of words to express. It is neither
sense nor nonsense; it has, perhaps, a notation of its own, but…
well, you can't play Euclid on the violin."
Secretan Jones shook his head. "I am afraid my experiences are
rather like that," he said. It was clear, indeed, that he found great
difficulty in finding a verbal formula which should convey some hint
of his adventures.
But that was later. To start with, things were fairly easy; but,
characteristically enough, he began his story before I realised that
the story was begun. I had been talking of the queer tricks a man's
memory sometimes plays him. I was saying that a few days before, I
was suddenly interrupted in some work I was doing. It was necessary
that I should clear my desk in a hurry. I shuffled a lot of loose
papers together and put them away, and awaited my caller with a fresh
writing-pad before me. The man came. I attended to the business with
which he was concerned, and went back to my former affair when he had
gone. But I could not find the sheaf of papers. I thought I had put
them in a drawer. They were not in the drawer; they were not in any
drawer, or in the blotting-book, or in any place where one might
reasonably expect to find them. They were found next morning by the
servant who dusted the room, stuffed hard down into the crevice
between the seat and the back of an arm-chair, and carefully hidden
under a cushion.
"And," I finished, "I hadn't the faintest recollection of doing
it. My mind was blank on the matter.".
"Yes," said Secretan Jones, "I suppose we all suffer from that
sort of thing at times. About a year ago I had a very odd experience
of the same kind. It troubled me a good deal at the time. It was soon
after I had taken up that question of the new traffic and its
probable—its certain—results. As you may have gathered, I
have been absorbed for most of my life in my own special studies,
which are remote enough from the activities and interests of the day.
It hasn't been at all my way to write to the papers to say there are
too many dogs in London, or to denounce street musicians. But I must
say that the extraordinary dangers of using our present road system
for a traffic for which it was not designed did impress themselves
very deeply upon me; and I dare say I allowed myself to be
over-interested and over-excited.
"There is a great deal to be said for the Apostolic maxim: 'Study
to be quiet and to mind your own business.' I am afraid I got the
whole thing on the brain, and neglected my own business, which at
that particular time, if I remember, was the investigation of a very
curious question—the validity or non-validity of the
Consecration Formula of the Grand Saint Graal: Car chou est li
sanc di ma nouviele loy, li miens meismes. Instead of attending
to my proper work, I allowed myself to be drawn into the discussion I
had started, and for a week or two I thought of very little else:
even when I was looking up authorities at the British Museum, I
couldn't get the rumble of the motor-van out of my head. So, you see,
I allowed myself to get harried and worried and distracted, and I put
down what followed to all the bother and excitement I was going
through. The other day, when you had to leave your work in the middle
and start on something else, I dare say you felt annoyed and put out,
and shoved those papers of yours away without really thinking of what
you were doing, and I suppose something of the same kind happened to
me. Though it was still queerer, I think."
He paused, and seemed to meditate doubtfully, and then broke out
with an apologetic laugh, and: "It really sounds quite crazy!" And
then: "I forgot where I lived."
"Loss of memory, in fact, through overwork and nervous
excitement?"
"Yes, but not quite in the usual way.
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