Sazerat's name was really Mme. Sazerin.
"I do not ask to live to a hundred," my aunt would say, for she
preferred to have no definite limit fixed to the number of her
days.
And since, besides this, Eulalie knew, as no one else knew, how
to distract my aunt without tiring her, her visits, which took
place regularly every Sunday, unless something unforeseen occurred
to prevent them, were for my aunt a pleasure the prospect of which
kept her on those days in a state of expectation, appetising enough
to begin with, but at once changing to the agony of a hunger too
long unsatisfied if Eulalie were a minute late in coming. For, if
unduly prolonged, the rapture of waiting for Eulalie became a
torture, and my aunt would never cease from looking at the time,
and yawning, and complaining of each of her symptoms in turn.
Eulalie's ring, if it sounded from the front door at the very end
of the day, when she was no longer expecting it, would almost make
her ill. For the fact was that on Sundays she thought of nothing
else than this visit, and the moment that our luncheon was ended
Françoise would become impatient for us to leave the dining-room so
that she might go upstairs to 'occupy' my aunt. But—and this more
than ever from the day on which fine weather definitely set in at
Combray—the proud hour °f noon, descending from the steeple of
Saint-Hilaire which it blazoned for a moment with the twelve points
of its sonorous crown, would long have echoed about our table,
beside the 'holy bread,' which too had come in, after church, in
its familiar way; and we would still be found seated in front of
our Arabian Nights plates, weighed down by the heat of the day, and
even more by our heavy meal. For upon the permanent foundation of
eggs, cutlets, potatoes, preserves, and biscuits, whose appearance
on the table she no longer announced to us, Françoise would add—as
the labour of fields and orchards, the harvest of the tides, the
luck of the markets, the kindness of neighbours, and her own genius
might provide; and so effectively that our bill of fare, like the
quatrefoils that were carved on the porches of cathedrals in the
thirteenth century, reflected to some extent the march of the
seasons and the incidents of human life—a brill, because the
fish-woman had guaranteed its freshness; a turkey, because she had
seen a beauty in the market at Roussainville-le-Pin; cardoons with
marrow, because she had never done them for us in that way before;
a roast leg of mutton, because the fresh air made one hungry and
there would be plenty of time for it to 'settle down' in the seven
hours before dinner; spinach, by way of a change; apricots, because
they were still hard to get; gooseberries, because in another
fortnight there would be none left; raspberries, which M. Swann had
brought specially; cherries, the first to come from the
cherry-tree, which had yielded none for the last two years; a cream
cheese, of which in those days I was extremely fond; an almond
cake, because she had ordered one the evening before; a fancy loaf,
because it was our turn to 'offer' the holy bread. And when all
these had been eaten, a work composed expressly for ourselves, but
dedicated more particularly to my father, who had a fondness for
such things, a cream of chocolate, inspired in the mind, created by
the hand of Françoise, would be laid before us, light and fleeting
as an 'occasional piece' of music, into which she had poured the
whole of her talent. Anyone who refused to partake of it, saying:
"No, thank you, I have finished; I am not hungry," would at once
have been lowered to the level of the Philistines who, when an
artist makes them a present of one of his works, examine its weight
and material, whereas what is of value is the creator's intention
and his signature. To have left even the tiniest morsel in the dish
would have shewn as much discourtesy as to rise and leave a concert
hall while the 'piece' was still being played, and under the
composer's-very eyes.
At length my mother would say to me: "Now, don't stay here all
day; you can go up to your room if you are too hot outside, but get
a little fresh air first; don't start reading immediately after
your food."
And I would go and sit down beside the pump and its trough,
ornamented here and there, like a gothic font, with a salamander,
which modelled upon a background of crumbling stone the quick
relief of its slender, allegorical body; on the bench without a
back, in the shade of a lilac-tree, in that little corner of the
garden which communicated, by a service door, with the Rue du
Saint-Esprit, and from whose neglected soil rose, in two stages, an
outcrop from the house itself and apparently a separate building,
my aunt's back-kitchen. One could see its red-tiled floor gleaming
like porphyry. It seemed not so much the cave of Françoise as a
little temple of Venus. It would be overflowing with the offerings
of the milkman, the fruiterer, the greengrocer, come sometimes from
distant villages to dedicate here the first-fruits of their fields.
And its roof was always surmounted by the cooing of a dove.
In earlier days I would not have lingered in the sacred grove
which surrounded this temple, for, before going upstairs to read, I
would steal into the little sitting-room which my uncle Adolphe, a
brother of my grandfather and an old soldier who had retired from
the service as a major, used to occupy on the ground floor, a room
which, even when its opened windows let in the heat, if not
actually the rays of the sun which seldom penetrated so far, would
never fail to emit that vague and yet fresh odour, suggesting at
once an open-air and an old-fashioned kind of existence, which sets
and keeps the nostrils dreaming when one goes into a disused
gun-room. But for some years now I had not gone into my uncle
Adolphe's room, since he no longer came to Combray on account of a
quarrel which had arisen between him and my family, by my fault,
and in the following circumstances: Once or twice every month, in
Paris, I used to be sent to pay him a. visit, as he was finishing
his luncheon, wearing a plain alpaca coat, and waited upon by his
servant in a working-jacket of striped linen, purple and white. He
would complain that I had not been to see him for a long time; that
he was being neglected; he would offer me a marchpane or a
tangerine, and we would cross a room in which no one ever sat,
whose fire was never lighted, whose walls were picked out with
gilded mouldings, its ceiling painted blue in imitation of the sky,
and its furniture upholstered in satin, as at my grandparents',
only yellow; then we would enter what he called his 'study,' a room
whose walls were hung with prints which shewed, against a dark
background, a plump and rosy goddess driving a car, or standing
upon a globe, or wearing a star on her brow; pictures which were
popular under the Second Empire because there was thought to be
something about them that suggested Pompeii, which were then
generally despised, and which now people are beginning to collect
again for one single and consistent reason (despite any others
which they may advance), namely, that they suggest the Second
Empire. And there I would stay with my uncle until his man came,
with a message from the coachman, to ask him at what time he would
like the carriage. My uncle would then be lost in meditation, while
his astonished servant stood there, not daring to disturb him by
the least movement, wondering and waiting for his answer, which
never varied. For in the end, after a supreme crisis of hesitation,
my uncle would utter, infallibly, the words: "A quarter past two,"
which the servant would echo with amazement, but without disputing
them: "A quarter past two! Very good, sir... I will go and tell
him...."
At this date I was a lover of the theatre: a Platonic lover, of
necessity, since my parents had not yet allowed me to enter one,
and so incorrect was the picture I drew for myself of the pleasures
to be enjoyed there that I almost believed that each of the
spectators looked, as into a stereoscope, upon a stage and scenery
which existed for himself alone, though closely resembling the
thousand other spectacles presented to the rest of the audience
individually.
Every morning I would hasten to the Moriss column to see what
new plays it announced. Nothing could be more disinterested or
happier than the dreams with which these announcements filled my
mind, dreams which took their form from the inevitable associations
of the words forming the title of the play, and also from the
colour of the bills, still damp and wrinkled with paste, on which
those words stood out. Nothing, unless it were such strange titles
as the Testament de César Girodot, or Oedipe-Roi, inscribed
not on the green bills of the Opéra-Comique, but on the
wine-coloured bills of the Comédie-Française, nothing seemed to me
to differ more profoundly from the sparkling white plume of the
Diamants de la Couronne than the sleek, mysterious satin of
the Domino Noir; and since my parents had told me that, for
my first visit to the theatre, I should have to choose between
these two pieces, I would study exhaustively and in turn the title
of one and the title of the other (for those were all that I knew
of either), attempting to snatch from each a foretaste of the
pleasure which it offered me, and to compare this pleasure with
that latent in the other title, until in the end I had shewn myself
such vivid, such compelling pictures of, on the one hand, a play of
dazzling arrogance, and on the other a gentle, velvety play, that I
was as little capable of deciding which play I should prefer to see
as if, at the dinner-table, they had obliged me to choose between
rice à l'Impératrice and the famous cream of chocolate.
All my conversations with my playfellows bore upon actors, whose
art, although as yet I had no experience of it, was the first of
all its numberless forms in which Art itself allowed me to
anticipate its enjoyment. Between one actor's tricks of intonation
and inflection and another's, the most trifling differences would
strike me as being of an incalculable importance. And from what I
had been told of them I would arrange them in the order of their
talent in lists which I used to murmur to myself all day long:
lists which in the end became petrified in my brain and were a
source of annoyance to it, being irremovable.
And later, in my schooldays, whenever I ventured in class, when
the master's head was turned, to communicate with some new friend,
I would always begin by asking him whether he had begun yet to go
to theatres, and if he agreed that our greatest actor was
undoubtedly Got, our second Delaunay, and so on. And if, in his
judgment, Febvre came below Thiron, or Delaunay below Coquelin, the
sudden volatility which the name of Coquelin, forsaking its stony
rigidity, would engender in my mind, in which it moved upwards to
the second place, the rich vitality with which the name of Delaunay
would suddenly be furnished, to enable it to slip down to fourth,
would stimulate and fertilise my brain with a sense of bradding and
blossoming life.
But if the thought of actors weighed so upon me, if the sight of
Maubant, coming out one afternoon from the Théâtre-Français, had
plunged me in the throes and sufferings of hopeless love, how much
more did the name of a 'star,' blazing outside the doors of a
theatre, how much more, seen through the window of a brougham which
passed me in the street, the hair over her forehead abloom with
roses, did the face of a woman who, I would think, was perhaps an
actress, leave with me a lasting disturbance, a futile and painful
effort to form a picture of her private life.
I classified, in order of talent, the most distinguished: Sarah
Bernhardt, Berma, Bartet, Madeleine Brohan, Jeanne Samary; but I
was interested in them all. Now my uncle knew many of them
personally, and also ladies of another class, not clearly
distinguished from actresses in my mind. He used to entertain them
at his house. And if we went to see him on certain days only, that
was because on the other days ladies might come whom his family
could not very well have met. So we at least thought; as for my
uncle, his fatal readiness to pay pretty widows (who had perhaps
never been married) and countesses (whose high-sounding titles were
probably no more than noms de guerre) the compliment of
presenting them to my grandmother or even of presenting to them
some of our family jewels, had already embroiled him more than once
with my grandfather. Often, if the name of some actress were
mentioned in conversation, I would hear my father say, with a
smile, to my mother: "One of your uncle's friends," and I would
think of the weary novitiate through which, perhaps for years on
end, a grown man, even a man of real importance, might have to
pass, waiting on the doorstep of some such lady, while she refused
to answer his letters and made her hall-porter drive him away; and
imagine that my uncle was able to dispense a little jackanapes like
myself from all these sufferings by introducing me in his own home
to the actress, unapproachable by all the world, but for him an
intimate friend.
And so—on the pretext that some lesson, the hour of which had
been altered, now came at such an awkward time that it had already
more than once prevented me, and would continue to prevent me, from
seeing my uncle—one day, not one of the days which he set apart for
our visits, I took advantage of the fact that my parents had had
luncheon earlier than usual; I slipped out and, instead of going to
read the playbills on their column, for which purpose I was allowed
to go out unaccompanied, I ran all the way to his house.
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