So awful.
Claudius
OMG that could have been me!!
He’s outta control. We let him get away w/ everything 2 easy.
Where is he now?
Gertrude
Getting rid of the body. You know, I think he actually feels bad about it. 
Claudius
#NotMyProblem #ICouldCareLess
Gertrude
You mean you couldn’t care less.
Claudius
Huh? We need 2 do serious damage control. 
Our only option is 2 get in front of this. That way it doesn’t…wait 4 it…stab us in the back. 
Gertrude
DO NOT make puns right now.
Claudius
Oh come on. It’s a layup. 
Gertrude
I mean it. I’m not in the mood.
Group text: Claudius, Rosencrantz, Guildenstern
Claudius
I need u 2 get help ASAP. Hamlet has killed Polonius. Find Hamlet & bring the body 2 the 
. NOW!!!
[Scene 2]
Group text: Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, Hamlet
Rosencrantz
What have u done w/ the body?
Hamlet
It’s where it belongs.
Rosencrantz
It belongs in the . Tell us!!!!
Hamlet
Why should I tell you anything? You’re just a pawn of the king. He takes what he wants, and then he disposes of you when he’s done.
Rosencrantz
IDK what you’re talking about.
Hamlet
THAT I believe.
[Scene 3]
Group text: Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, Claudius
Rosencrantz
He won’t tell us anything. 
Guildenstern
He’s just playing games. 
Claudius
WHERE IS POLONIUS? 
Hamlet
At supper. 
Claudius
Huh?
Hamlet
Well, *he’s* not eating, exactly.
Cuz he’s in the ground. #worms 
Claudius
WHERE IS POLONIUS?!?!?!?!
Hamlet
With the 
. Check heaven, and if he’s not there, then you’ll know where to find him. 
Claudius
That’s it. I’m gonna drop u from the 
plan.
Hamlet
Wait! If you want to 
him out (heh heh), look under 
the stairs on the way 2 the lobby.
Group text: Claudius, Hamlet, Rosencrantz, Guildenstern
Claudius
under the stairs near the lobby.
Hamlet
No rush, fellas. He’s not going anywhere.
Claudius
Enough is enough. 
You’re going 2 
. NOW.
Hamlet
Fine. I’ll go to . NOW. Whatever, 
.
Claudius
It’s official. You’ve gone bat
crzy. I’m your father.
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