Laertes…
Laertes
What?
WHAT?!
Gertrude
IDK how 2 say this…your sister has drowned. 
Laertes
OH 
! OPHELIA? WHERE? HOW?
Gertrude
There is a willow 
down by the river. She was collecting 
and making them into garlands. She fell into the 
, and for a 
her 
held her up. But then the 
became too heavy and pulled her down.
I’m so sorry.
Laertes
I cannot even because there’s 2 much already. G2G
Claudius
Rly glad I just wasted a lot of 
& energy talking someone down. FML
REPLY
[Scene 1]
Hamlet and Horatio have checked into the Church Graveyard.
Gravedigger
Digging a grave in the 
cemetery, but IDK why bc this person took their own life. #MoneyTalks
REPLY
Hamlet: Whose grave is it?
Gravedigger: Mine.
Hamlet: What 
are you digging this for?
Gravedigger: No man.
Hamlet: Then what 
?
Gravedigger: None.
Hamlet: SMH. Who is going to be BURIED here?
Gravedigger: She WAS a woman. But now she’s no one.
Hamlet: I guess that’s how it goes. Life, ya know? 
then .
Gertrude, Claudius, Laertes, and a Priest have checked into the Church Graveyard.
Hamlet
Horatio, did you see who just checked in?
Horatio
Yeah. What should we do?
Hamlet
Let’s 
, but keep our distance.
I see a casket. But it’s weird to have such a small funeral.
Horatio
Can you 
what they’re saying?
Hamlet
They are talking about Ophelia!!! OMG Ophelia is DEAD?!
Horatio
I’m so sorry.
Hamlet
It can’t be! And yet Laertes just keeps going on and on about how 
he is. Doesn’t he know I 
her, too?!
Hamlet
Laertes, is it true? Ophelia is 
?! I loved her w/ all my 
!
Laertes
Well, I loved her more!
Hamlet
Oh, really?
Laertes
x infinity
Hamlet
This is ridiculous. I’m not going to fight with you over who loved her more. (Me.)
Laertes
*cough* Me. Also bc u know u will lose.
Hamlet
Screw you.
Laertes
And 
take you!
[Scene 2]
Hamlet
Laertes is such a 
.
Horatio
Lol
Hamlet
Oh! I still have to tell you about the thing!
Horatio
That’s right! Can you tell me now?
Hamlet
Yes. So when I was traveling with R&G, I had this gut feeling that something was wrong. I decided to steal the 
Claudius had given them, just to see what it said. 
Well, I’m hella glad I did because I found out…
Horatio
YES?! What did you find out?
Hamlet
He had given the 
of 
instructions to 
ME.
Horatio
OH HELL NO. Claudius did that?!
Hamlet
See for yourself if you want. I still have the .
Horatio
What did you do???
Hamlet
I re
the except this time, I said to Rosencrantz & Guildenstern. I used the Denmark royal seal and everything. #BWAHAHAHA
Horatio
So R&G are now 
& .
Hamlet
Self-defense!
Horatio
You know Claudius is going to find out what happened.
Hamlet
Which is why I have to act quickly.
I do feel bad that I yelled at Laertes, though. We’re basically in the same 
. I’ll be nice to him from now on.
Claudius
@Hamlet @Laertes: I challenge u 2 a duel! Place your bets, ladies & gentlemen. Winner gets #SWAG #SWAG #SWAG #SWAG
REPLY
Laertes: Come @ me bro
Hamlet: *shrug* Why not?
Horatio: You guys sure this is a good idea?
Gertrude: How early is too early to start drinking? 
Hamlet
Laertes, we should talk before the duel.
Laertes
I’m listening.
Hamlet
I’m sorry for what I said. I’m sorry about your dad and your sister.
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