LET’S DO THIS. #FOMO
REPLY
Group text: Marcellus, Hamlet, Horatio
Marcellus
Where u @?!
Hamlet
On the way to the gate.
Horatio
Almost there.
Marcellus
K. What’s all that 
coming from the 
?
Hamlet
Don’t remind me. My uncle is getting 
.
Marcellus
Srsly? Kings still do that on their wedding nite??
Hamlet
Not the good ones. FML.
Marcellus
Look out!! I think I see the 
!
Hamlet
I see it, too! It wants me to follow him!
Horatio
NO. It’s too dangerous.
Hamlet
What’s the worst that could happen? I DIE? Have u forgotten how much my life sucks right now? 
Horatio
STOP. Hamlet, please. 
Hamlet
Another word and I’ll 
you, Horatio. I swear to God.
Horatio
Marcellus
Something is 
in the state of Denmark.
REPLY
[Scene 5]
Hamlet and Ghost of Hamlet have checked into Creepy Black Forest.
Ghost
Hamlet, I don’t have much 
, but I must tell you a terrible 
, and ask for your help in avenging my MURDER.
Hamlet
MURDER?!
Ghost
Yes, MURDER. While I was 
in the 
, a 
stung me. And that now wears my 
.
Hamlet
I knew it! Uncle-Dad Claudius! 
Ghost
Yes. That wicked 
took my life, my 
, my , my 
—everything!
Hamlet
How???
Ghost
While I was , 
poured some 
into my 
. Poison! 
I never had a chance. If you ever really 
ed me, you will 
2 
.
Hamlet
Of course I will! Um 
, what about Aunt-Mom?
Ghost
It’s not up to us to punish her. Leave her to the 
. Now I have to go. Good-bye, Hamlet. 
Remember me.
Hamlet
You have my word. Revenge is all I can think about now. I swear 
it will be done.
Group text: Horatio, Marcellus, Hamlet
Horatio
Hamlet, where did you go?
Marcellus
Everything OK?!
Hamlet
Yes, but promise never to repeat ANYTHING that happened tonight.
Marcellus
I sweat!
Horatio
I sweat, too! 
Marcellus
*swear lolz #DamnYouAutocomplete 
Hamlet
Guys, this is serious. 
Marcellus
Sry, sry. I swear!
Horatio
Me too. 
Hamlet
Good. Cut & paste that a few more times so I know you mean it.
Horatio
I swear! I swear! I swear!
Marcellus
I swear! I swear! I swear!
R we good? I don’t have unlimited txts.
Hamlet
Okay, but listen—and this is important—from now on, I will be acting 
. You guys have to go along with it. Okay?
Marcellus
K
Horatio
[Scene 1]
Polonius
I need u 2 keep close 
on my son.
Reynaldo
What 4, boss?
Polonius
He’s going off 2 
, and u know what that means.
Reynaldo
A lifetime of student loans? 
Polonius
No! I’m worried he’ll b 
!
Reynaldo
I see. And how would you like me to find out?
Polonius
Tell people he’s been !
Reynaldo
Huh?
Polonius
If u 
that he does & other people agree, then we’ll know he does! 
Reynaldo
don’t u think that will give him a bad reputation? IMHO 
Polonius
Just make it seem like NBD. He’s young! He’s free! We’ll use lies 2 find out the truth. Get it now?
Reynaldo
Whatever u say, boss.
Ophelia
dad! help! i need you!!!!!!!!! 
Polonius
What’s wrong?
Ophelia
it’s hamlet.
1 comment