he stormed into my room looking like he’d seen a 
and rambled like a 
person!!! then he just 
at me and walked out the 
again!!!!!!
Polonius
like he’s lost his mind. Did u do anything 2 make him 
?
Ophelia
only EXACTLY what YOU told me to do!!! not txt him or respond to his txts.
Polonius
That must b it. He’s gone bc he 
u. I’ll tell the king at once. Brb.
[Scene 2]
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern have checked into Elsinore Castle—with Queen Gertrude and King Claudius.
Group text: Gertrude, Guildenstern, Claudius, Rosencrantz
Gertrude
Welcome! I’m so 
you made it to the 
safely. Meet us in the lobby?
Guildenstern
Of course! B right there.
Claudius
And thx again for offering 2 talk 2 Hamlet.
Rosencrantz
Happy 2 help. Hopefully we’ll get 2 the bottom of this. 
Gertrude
If his two BFFs can’t get through to him, IDK what will.
Guildenstern
Wish us 
!
Welcome, Gertrude! You have 10 new messages from Polonius waiting in folder: Spam.
Claudius
Did u c all the 
Polonius sent? He said they r 
from Hamlet 2 Ophelia.
Gertrude
Nope. I forward everything from Polonius to my spam folder. 
Claudius
He thinks he 
wut’s wrong w/ Hamlet.
Gertrude
Besides the fact that his father is dead and I just married you?
Claudius
Yeah, Polonius thinks Hamlet 
Ophelia. U think that could b it?
Gertrude
Only one way to 
out the truth.
Welcome, Claudius! You have received an e-card from Voltimand and Cornelius.
Good news! We talked 2 Fortinbras’s uncle, Old Norway, and he said he is willing 2 attack Poland instead of us! Looks like we’re safe 4 now. Denmark FTW!
Group text: Claudius, Polonius, Gertrude
Claudius
Polonius, can u PROVE that Hamlet is 
bc he Ophelia?
Polonius
Let’s have her reach out 2 him and 
what happens. I’ll text him 2.
Polonius
Hello. How r u?
Hamlet
Fine, thx.
Polonius
U know who this is, rite?
Hamlet
Yes, of course. You’re a 
!
Polonius
No, u must b thinking of sum1 else.
Hamlet
Well, I wish you were a because at least those guys are honest.
Polonius
IDK what u r talking about.
Hamlet
Do you have a daughter? 
Polonius
U know that I do.
Hamlet
Watch out for her. It’s a 
dangerous 
we live in.
Polonius
Tru 
…uh, so what r u up 2?
Hamlet
Reading.
Polonius
What are you reading?
Hamlet
Polonius
But what r the 
about?
Hamlet
About a old fool! 
Imagine that! Srsly, an can become a 
if like a crab u go backward.
Polonius
Ah. Well, I guess I should let u go.
Hamlet
I guess you should.
Polonius
Not gonna name names, but there’s a method 2 a CERTAIN someone’s madness.
REPLY
Group text: Rosencrantz, Guildenstern, Hamlet
Rosencrantz
Guess what?
Guildenstern
R&G in the 
!
Hamlet
You came to see me in 
?
Rosencrantz
You’re on fire?!?!
Hamlet
No, no. Hell. Why are you here?
Rosencrantz
We wanted 2 see u.
Hamlet
Ah, so no one MADE you come?
Rosencrantz
No.
Guildenstern
Yes.
I mean no?
Rosencrantz
I mean yes?
Hamlet
SMH you two need to get your 
straight.
Rosencrantz
Guildenstern
Hamlet
Just FYI: I’m depressed. Life is supposed to be 
s and 
but right now I don’t feel anything. 
Rosencrantz
That sux, but we have a 
that might cheer u up.
Hamlet
What’s that?
Guildenstern
A 
!
Rosencrantz
We brought a bunch of actors from the 
.
Hamlet
Oh yeah? Can I pick the ?
Guildenstern
Of course, if it will make u feel better. 
Hamlet
Oh, it most certainly will. 
Hamlet has added 1 script for the play The Murder of Gonzago and 1 Wite-Out bottle to cart.
[Scene 1]
2 
or 
2 , that is the 
. Is it better to muddle through a miserable life you have no control over? Or is it better to 
back and maybe win? If I died—if I gave up and threw in the towel—all my problems would go away. I’d have no more 
or 
.
But 
could be even worse than life! WTF. Maybe it’s better to deal with the problems I have than end up with others that are WORSE? That’s the thing, isn’t it? We’re all cowards because we don’t know what comes next. So we muddle through, and don’t do anything for fear of making things worse. #TheStruggleIsReal
Claudius
I think u should have Ophelia talk 2 Hamlet. Then we can 
the txts and decide wut 2 do.
Polonius
K stay tuned!
Hamlet has checked into the Elsinore Castle Lobby.
Hamlet
Hi.
Ophelia
how are you?
Hamlet
Been better.
Ophelia
we need to talk. i have to give you back all the you wrote me.
Hamlet
I never wrote you any .
Ophelia
don’t make this harder than it has to be.
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