Hamlet. A little help here??
Hamlet: Srsly? Very basic stuff, guys. The woman’s husband was murdered by a villain while the husband was asleep in the orchard. The murderer poisoned him—then ended up with his 
and 
!
Gertrude: Hamlet, have we seen this one before? #DejaVu
Claudius: STOP THE PLAY. SHUT IT DOWN.
Ophelia: what’s going on? 
Polonius: 
is canceled! Everybody go 
!!
Guildenstern: WTF. should we 
?
Hamlet
Did you see what just happened?!
The 
was right! My uncle’s 
when he heard “poison.” 
Horatio
Congrats? 
? What happens now?
Hamlet
Wait and 
.
Group text: Guildenstern, Hamlet, Rosencrantz
Guildenstern
Hamlet, the wants 2 talk 2 u.
Rosencrantz
I don’t get u. We used to be 
.
Hamlet
We’re still !
Guildenstern
So tell us why you’re acting like this!!!!
Hamlet
Send me a video of you playing a song. 
Guildenstern
WTF. IDK how to play .
Hamlet
It would mean a lot to me.
Guildenstern
I couldn’t even if I wanted 2.
Hamlet
lol
Guildenstern
What’s funny?
Hamlet
You don’t know about and you admit it. And yet you would play ME even though you know NOTHING about my situation. YOU THINK I’M SIMPLER TO UNDERSTAND THAN A !!!
Guildenstern
Wow, it just got cold in here.
Rosencrantz
#shade
Polonius
The queen wants 2 c u asap.
Hamlet
I’ll go when I damn well please.
Polonius
I can say you better do it soon!
Hamlet
“You better do it soon” is easy to say. lolz
Polonius has been added to your “Blocked Caller” list
Ugh. I’ve come this far. I better not fall off now. I’ll be strong and not let my mother convince me to give up my father’s mission. I will 
her…metaphorically…with my words. (Didn’t mean for that to sound awkward.)
[Scene 3]
Group text: Claudius, Guildenstern, Rosencrantz
Claudius
I h8 that stupid kid! He’s completely outta control!! I need 2 send him away. 
2 
!
Guildenstern
Sending him away seems like the only option. You’re the . It’s best 4 everybody 2 get him out of here.
Rosencrantz
We’ll go w/ him.
Claudius
Please do. & hurry! 
Polonius
My lord, Hamlet is going 2 swing by to see Gertrude. I’m gonna hide behind the drapes and watch what happens. 
I’ll let u know how it goes b4 
.
Claudius
Thx! 
I murdered my brother. Does that make me a terrible person? This is some Cain and Abel 
right here. I can’t even 
, I feel so guilty. And at the same 
, I am still with the outcome! Is there nothing I can do 2 ever make up 4 my crime? Guess it doesn’t rly matter. Wut’s done is done. I can’t change it n-e-way so I may as well enjoy it! My , 
, etc. Things r looking 
! So wut can I say? #SorryNotSorry
You’ll never freaking believe this. I saw Claudius PRAYING today.
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