In the . That . PRAYING. What am I supposed to do with that?! I thought about him right there, but that doesn’t help me because if I kill him when he’s “repenting,” then he’ll just go str8 to . Meanwhile he poisoned MY father when he least suspected it. So Dad didn’t even get a chance to make up for all the things he did wrong in his life. Now he’s basically in forever (or something…not sure how that works).

I will just have to wait to Claudius the next time he does something terrible. Which shouldn’t be long, considering his hobbies consist of , Mom, and people. He needs to go to hell where he belongs. #RoyalProblems

[Scene 4]

Polonius

Hamlet’s on his way. R u ready? Remember, tell him ur of his games. I’m gonna hide.

Gertrude

I know. We’ve been over this. Go!

dingbat dingbat

Gertrude

Where are you?

Hamlet

Coming over. I heard you wanted to talk?

Gertrude

Hurry up. Your father is really with you.

Hamlet

My father?! MY father is really with YOU!

Gertrude

What’s wrong?! I didn’t raise you this way. Have you forgotten who I am?

Hamlet

You’re the QUEEN. Your husband’s brother’s wife! And my MOTHER (though I wish you weren’t).

Gertrude

Are you *trying* to make my stop beating?

Hamlet

Hold on. I’m here, but I heard a noise.…

Gertrude

What?

Hamlet

It’s coming from…

INSIDE OUR HOUSE.

Gertrude

I’m sure it’s nothing.

Hamlet

BRB

Gertrude

HAMLET?

Where are you?

HAMLET?!?! Answer me!!

Hamlet

Mom.

I just someone.

Gertrude

WHAT?!

Hamlet

Come over and help me. I’m scared to look.

Gertrude

You just KILLED someone?! That’s bad.

Hamlet

I guess it’s almost as bad as, say, murdering a king and his wife.

Gertrude

Hamlet

I said what I said.

 

Hamlet

Anyone know a good lawyer?

REPLY

Hamlet

It was Polonius. That !

Gertrude

You killed Polonius?!

Hamlet

I thought it was the king! ARGH. Why did Polonius have to get involved?! Mom, listen to me. I need you to have a here.

Gertrude

What have I done that is so, SO terrible that you won’t forgive me?

Hamlet

Mom. Look at this pic.

Look @ Dad. Look how royal and regal he is. He LOOKS like a true king because HE IS A TRUE KING.