You must have gone miles out of your way."
"I'm
not tired now, though. I feel as if I could write my new book on the
spot"; and the young man laughed a gay sweet laugh that struck the father
as a new note in his son's life.
He
sat still a moment after his father had left the room. He cherished his chief
treasure of thought in its secret place; he would not enjoy it yet. He drew up
a chair to the table at which he wrote or tried to write, and began taking pens
and paper from the drawer. There was a great pile of ruled paper there; all of
it used, on one side, and signifying many hours of desperate scribbling, of
heart-searching and rack of his brain; an array of poor, eager lines written by
a waning fire with waning hope; all useless and abandoned. He took up the
sheets cheerfully, and began in delicious idleness to look over these fruitless
efforts. A page caught his attention; he remembered how he wrote it while a
November storm was dashing against the panes; and there was another, with a
queer blot in one corner; he had got up from his chair and looked out, and all
the earth was white fairyland, and the snowflakes whirled round and round in
the wind. Then he saw the chapter begun of a night in March: a great gale blew
that night and rooted up one of the ancient yews in the churchyard. He had
heard the trees shrieking in the woods, and the long wail of the wind, and
across the heaven a white moon fled awfully before the streaming clouds. And
all these poor abandoned pages now seemed sweet, and past unhappiness was
transmuted into happiness, and the nights of toil were holy. He turned over
half a dozen leaves and began to sketch out the outlines of the new book on the
unused pages; running out a skeleton plan on one page, and dotting fancies,
suggestions, hints on others. He wrote rapidly, overjoyed to find that loving
phrases grew under his pen; a particular scene he had imagined filled him with
desire; he gave his hand free course, and saw the written work glowing; and
action and all the heat of existence quickened and beat on the wet page. Happy
fancies took shape in happier words, and when at last he leant back in his
chair he felt the stir and rush of the story as if it had been some portion of
his own life. He read over what he had done with a renewed pleasure in the
nimble and flowing workmanship, and as he put the little pile of manuscript
tenderly in the drawer he paused to enjoy the anticipation of tomorrow's labor.
And then—but the rest of the night was given to tender and
delicious things, and when he went up to bed a scarlet dawn was streaming from
the east.
For
days Lucian lay in a swoon of pleasure, smiling when he was addressed,
sauntering happily in the sunlight, hugging recollection warm to his heart.
Annie had told him that she was going on a visit to her married sister, and
said, with a caress, that he must be patient. He protested against her absence,
but she fondled him, whispering her charms in his ear till he gave in and then
they said good-bye, Lucian adoring on his knees. The parting was as strange as
the meeting, and that night when he laid his work aside, and let himself sink
deep into the joys of memory, all the encounter seemed as wonderful and
impossible as magic.
"And
you really don't mean to do anything about those rascals?" said his
father.
"Rascals? Which rascals? Oh, you mean Beit. I had forgotten all about it.
No; I don't think I shall trouble.
They're not worth powder and shot."
And
he returned to his dream, pacing slowly from the medlar
to the quince and back again. It seemed trivial to be interrupted by such
questions; he had not even time to think of the book he had recommenced so
eagerly, much less of this labor of long ago. He recollected without interest
that it cost him many pains, that it was pretty good here and there, and that
it had been stolen, and it seemed that there was nothing more to be said on the
matter. He wished to think of the darkness in the lane, of the kind voice that
spoke to him, of the kind hand that sought his own, as he stumbled on the rough
way. So far, it was wonderful. Since he had left school and lost the company of
the worthy barbarians who had befriended him there, he had almost lost the
sense of kinship with humanity; he had come to dread the human form as men
dread the hood of the cobra. To Lucian a man or a woman meant something that
stung, that spoke words that rankled, and poisoned his life with scorn. At
first such malignity shocked him: he would ponder over words and glances and
wonder if he were not mistaken, and he still sought
now and then for sympathy. The poor boy had romantic ideas about women; he
believed they were merciful and pitiful, very kind to the unlucky and helpless.
Men perhaps had to be different; after all, the duty of a man was to get on in
the world, or, in plain language, to make money, to be successful; to cheat
rather than to be cheated, but always to be successful; and he could understand
that one who fell below this high standard must expect to be severely judged by
his fellows. For example, there was young Bennett, Miss Spurry's
nephew. Lucian had met him once or twice when he was spending his holidays with
Miss Spurry, and the two young fellows compared
literary notes together. Bennett showed some beautiful things he had written,
over which Lucian had grown both sad and enthusiastic. It was such exquisite
magic verse, and so much better than anything he ever hoped to write, that
there was a touch of anguish in his congratulations. But when Bennett, after
many vain prayers to his aunt, threw up a safe position in the bank, and betook
himself to a London garret, Lucian was not surprised at the general verdict.
Mr.
Dixon, as a clergyman, viewed the question from a high standpoint and found it
all deplorable, but the general opinion was that Bennett was a hopeless young
lunatic.
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