Let there

be gall enough in thy ink, though thou write with a goose-pen43,

no matter. About it.

SIR ANDREW    Where shall I find you?

SIR TOBY    We’ll call thee at the cubiculo46. Go.

Exit Sir Andrew

FABIAN    This is a dear manikin47 to you, Sir Toby.

SIR TOBY    I have been dear to him, lad, some two thousand48

strong, or so.

FABIAN    We shall have a rare50 letter from him; but you’ll not

deliver’t?

SIR TOBY    Never trust me, then. And by all means stir on the

youth to an answer. I think oxen and wainropes cannot hale53

them together. For Andrew, if he were opened and you find

so much blood in his liver as will clog the foot of a flea, I’ll eat

the rest of th’anatomy.56

FABIAN    And his opposite, the youth, bears in his visage57 no

great presage58 of cruelty.

Enter Maria

SIR TOBY    Look where the youngest wren59 of mine comes.

MARIA    If you desire the spleen60, and will laugh yourselves

into stitches, follow me. Yond gull61 Malvolio is turned

heathen, a very renegado62; for there is no Christian that

means to be saved by believing rightly can ever believe such

impossible passages of grossness.64 He’s in yellow stockings.

SIR TOBY    And cross-gartered?

MARIA    Most villainously: like a pedant66 that keeps a school

i’th’church. I have dogged67 him like his murderer. He does

obey every point of the letter that I dropped to betray him: he

does smile his face into more lines than is in the new map69

with the augmentation of the Indies. You have not seen such

a thing as ’tis. I can hardly forbear71 hurling things at him. I

know my lady will strike him. If she do, he’ll smile and take’t

for a great favour.

SIR TOBY    Come, bring us, bring us where he is.

Exeunt

Act 3 Scene 3

running scene 12

Enter Sebastian and Antonio

SEBASTIAN    I would not by my will have troubled you,

But since you make your pleasure of your pains,

I will no further chide3 you.

ANTONIO    I could not stay behind you: my desire,

More sharp than filèd5 steel, did spur me forth,

And not all love to see you, though so much6

As might have drawn one to a longer voyage,

But jealousy8 what might befall your travel,

Being skill-less in these parts, which to a stranger9,

Unguided and unfriended, often prove

Rough and unhospitable. My willing love,

The rather12 by these arguments of fear,

Set forth in your pursuit.

SEBASTIAN    My kind Antonio,

I can no other answer make but thanks,

And thanks, and ever oft16 good turns

Are shuffled off with such uncurrent17 pay.

But were my worth, as is my conscience, firm18,

You should find better dealing.19 What’s to do?

Shall we go see the relics20 of this town?

ANTONIO    Tomorrow, sir. Best first go see your lodging.

SEBASTIAN    I am not weary, and ’tis long to night.

I pray you let us satisfy our eyes

With the memorials and the things of fame

That do renown25 this city.

ANTONIO    Would you’d pardon me.

I do not without danger walk these streets.

Once in a sea-fight gainst the count his galleys28

I did some service, of such note indeed,

That were I ta’en here it would scarce be answered.30

SEBASTIAN    Belike31 you slew great number of his people.

ANTONIO    Th’offence is not of such a bloody nature,

Albeit33 the quality of the time and quarrel

Might well have given us bloody argument.34

It might have since been answered35 in repaying

What we took from them, which for traffic’s36 sake,

Most of our city did. Only myself stood out,

For which, if I be lapsèd38 in this place,

I shall pay dear.

SEBASTIAN    Do not then walk too open.40

ANTONIO    It doth not fit41 me. Hold, sir, here’s my purse.

Gives his purse

In the south suburbs, at the Elephant42,

Is best to lodge. I will bespeak our diet43,

Whiles you beguile44 the time and feed your knowledge

With viewing of the town. There shall you have45 me.

SEBASTIAN    Why I your purse?

ANTONIO    Haply your eye shall light upon some toy47

You have desire to purchase, and your store48,

I think, is not for idle markets49, sir.

SEBASTIAN    I’ll be your purse-bearer and leave you

For an hour.

ANTONIO    To th’Elephant.

SEBASTIAN    I do remember.

Exeunt

Act 3 Scene 4

running scene 13

Enter Olivia and Maria

Aside

OLIVIA    I have sent after him1: he says he’ll come.

How shall I feast him? What bestow of2 him?

For youth is bought more oft than begged or borrowed.

I speak too loud.—

Where’s Malvolio? He is sad and civil5,

And suits well for a servant with my fortunes.

Where is Malvolio?

MARIA    He’s coming, madam, but in very strange manner.

He is sure possessed9, madam.

OLIVIA    Why, what’s the matter? Does he rave?

MARIA    No, madam, he does nothing but smile: your

ladyship were best to have some guard about you, if he

come, for sure the man is tainted in’s wits.

Maria goes to call Malvolio

OLIVIA    Go call him hither.— I am as mad as he,

If sad and merry madness equal be.

Enter Malvolio [cross-gartered and in yellow stockings]

How now, Malvolio?

MALVOLIO    Sweet lady, ho, ho.

OLIVIA    Smilest thou? I sent for thee upon a sad occasion.

MALVOLIO    Sad19, lady? I could be sad: this does make some

obstruction in the blood, this cross-gartering, but what of

that? If it please the eye of one, it is with me as the very true

sonnet is, ‘Please one, and please all’.22

OLIVIA    Why, how dost thou, man? What is the matter with

thee?

MALVOLIO    Not black in my mind, though yellow in my legs. It25

did come to his26 hands, and commands shall be executed. I

think we do know the sweet Roman hand.27

OLIVIA    Wilt thou go to bed28, Malvolio?

MALVOLIO    To bed? Ay, sweetheart, and I’ll come to thee.

OLIVIA    God comfort thee! Why dost thou smile so and kiss30

thy hand so oft?

MARIA    How do you, Malvolio?

MALVOLIO    At your request! Yes, nightingales answer daws.33

MARIA    Why appear you with this ridiculous boldness

before my lady?

MALVOLIO    ‘Be not afraid of greatness.’ ’Twas well writ.

OLIVIA    What meanest thou by that, Malvolio?

MALVOLIO    ‘Some are born great’—

OLIVIA    Ha?

MALVOLIO    ‘Some achieve greatness’—

OLIVIA    What say’st thou?

MALVOLIO    ‘And some have greatness thrust upon them.’

OLIVIA    Heaven restore thee!

MALVOLIO    ‘Remember who commended thy yellow stockings’—

OLIVIA    Thy yellow stockings?

MALVOLIO    ‘And wished to see thee cross-gartered.’

OLIVIA    Cross-gartered?

MALVOLIO    ‘Go to, thou art made, if thou desirest to be so’—

OLIVIA    Am I made?

MALVOLIO    ‘If not, let me see thee a servant still.’

OLIVIA    Why, this is very midsummer51 madness.

Enter Servant

SERVANT    Madam, the young gentleman of the count Orsino’s

is returned. I could hardly entreat him back. He attends53 your

ladyship’s pleasure.

OLIVIA    I’ll come to him.

[Exit Servant]

Good Maria, let this fellow be looked to. Where’s my cousin

Toby? Let some of my people have a special care of him. I

would not have him miscarry58 for the half of my dowry.

Exeunt [Olivia and Maria]

MALVOLIO    O, ho! Do you come near59 me now? No worse man

than Sir Toby to look to me! This concurs directly with the

letter: she sends him on purpose that I may appear stubborn

to him, for she incites me to that in the letter. ‘Cast thy

humble slough,’ says she, ‘be opposite with a kinsman, surly

with servants, let thy tongue tang with arguments of state,

put thyself into the trick of singularity.’ And consequently65

sets down the manner how: as, a sad face, a reverend66

carriage, a slow tongue, in the habit of some sir of note67, and

so forth. I have limed68 her, but it is Jove’s doing, and Jove make

me thankful. And when she went away now, ‘Let this fellow

be looked to.’ Fellow? Not Malvolio, nor after my degree70, but

fellow. Why, everything adheres together, that no dram71 of a

scruple, no scruple of a scruple, no obstacle, no incredulous72

or unsafe73 circumstance — What can be said? Nothing that

can be can come between me and the full prospect of my

hopes. Well, Jove, not I, is the doer of this, and he is to be

thanked.

Enter Toby, Fabian and Maria

SIR TOBY    Which way is he, in the name of sanctity? If all the

devils of hell be drawn in little, and Legion78 himself possessed

him, yet I’ll speak to him.

FABIAN    Here he is, here he is.