How is’t with you, sir? How

is’t with you, man?

MALVOLIO    Go off. I discard you. Let me enjoy my private.82 Go off.

MARIA    Lo, how hollow83 the fiend speaks within him! Did not

I tell you? Sir Toby, my lady prays you to have a84 care of him.

MALVOLIO    Ah, ha, does she so?

SIR TOBY    Go to, go to. Peace, peace. We must deal gently with

him. Let me alone.87— How do you, Malvolio? How is’t with

you? What, man, defy the devil! Consider, he’s an enemy to

mankind.

MALVOLIO    Do you know what you say?

MARIA    La91 you, an you speak ill of the devil, how he takes it

at heart! Pray God, he be not bewitched!

FABIAN    Carry his water to th’wise woman.93

MARIA    Marry, and it shall be done tomorrow morning, if I

live. My lady would not lose him for more than I’ll say.

MALVOLIO    How now, mistress?

MARIA    O Lord!

SIR TOBY    Prithee hold thy peace, this is not the way. Do you

not see you move99 him? Let me alone with him.

FABIAN    No way but gentleness, gently, gently. The fiend is

rough, and will not be roughly used.

SIR TOBY    Why, how now, my bawcock?102 How dost thou,

chuck?103

MALVOLIO    Sir!

SIR TOBY    Ay, Biddy105, come with me. What, man, ’tis not for

gravity to play at cherry-pit with Satan. Hang him, foul106

collier!

MARIA    Get him to say his prayers, good Sir Toby, get him to

pray.

MALVOLIO    My prayers, minx?

MARIA    No, I warrant you he will not hear of godliness.

MALVOLIO    Go, hang yourselves all! You are idle112 shallow things.

I am not of your element.113 You shall know more hereafter.

Exit

SIR TOBY    Is’t possible?

FABIAN    If this were played upon a stage now, I could

condemn it as an improbable fiction.

SIR TOBY    His very genius117 hath taken the infection of the

device, man.

MARIA    Nay, pursue him now, lest the device take air and119

taint.

FABIAN    Why, we shall make him mad indeed.

MARIA    The house will be the quieter.

SIR TOBY    Come, we’ll have him in a dark room and bound.123

My niece is already in the belief that he’s mad. We may carry124

it thus, for our pleasure and his penance, till our very

pastime, tired out of breath, prompt us to have mercy on

him, at which time we will bring the device to the bar127 and

crown thee for a finder of madmen.128 But see, but see.

Enter Sir Andrew

FABIAN    More matter for a May morning.129

Shows a paper

SIR ANDREW    Here’s the challenge, read it. I warrant130

there’s vinegar and pepper in’t.

FABIAN    Is’t so saucy?132

SIR ANDREW    Ay, is’t, I warrant133 him. Do but read.

Reads

SIR TOBY    Give me. ‘Youth, whatsoever thou art, thou

art but a scurvy135 fellow.’

FABIAN    Good, and valiant.

Reads

SIR TOBY    ‘Wonder not, nor admire137 not in thy mind,

why I do call thee so, for I will show thee no reason for’t.’

FABIAN    A good note, that keeps you from the blow of the139

law.

Reads

SIR TOBY    ‘Thou comest to the lady Olivia, and in my

sight she uses thee kindly. But thou liest in thy throat142, that is

not the matter I challenge thee for.’

Aside

FABIAN    Very brief, and to exceeding good sense— less.

Reads

SIR TOBY    ‘I will waylay thee going home, where if it

be thy chance to kill me’—

FABIAN    Good.

Reads

SIR TOBY    ‘Thou killest me like a rogue and a villain.’

FABIAN    Still you keep o’th’windy149 side of the law. Good.

Reads

SIR TOBY    ‘Fare thee well, and God have mercy upon

one of our souls! He may have mercy upon mine, but my

hope is better, and so look to thyself. Thy friend, as thou usest152

him, and thy sworn enemy,

Andrew Aguecheek.’

If this letter move155 him not, his legs cannot. I’ll give’t him.

MARIA    You may have very fit occasion for’t: he is now in

some commerce157 with my lady, and will by and by depart.

SIR TOBY    Go, Sir Andrew. Scout me158 for him at the corner of

the orchard like a bumbaily159: so soon as ever thou see’st him,

draw, and as thou draw’st swear horrible160, for it comes to pass

oft that a terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharply

twanged off, gives manhood more approbation162 than ever

proof163 itself would have earned him. Away!

SIR ANDREW    Nay, let me alone164 for swearing.

Exit

SIR TOBY    Now will not I deliver his letter, for the behaviour of

the young gentleman gives him out to be of good capacity166

and breeding. His employment between his lord and my

niece confirms no less: therefore this letter, being so

excellently ignorant, will breed no terror in the youth. He

will find it comes from a clodpole.170 But, sir, I will deliver his

challenge by word of mouth; set upon Aguecheek a notable

report of valour, and drive the gentleman, as I know his

youth will aptly receive it, into a most hideous173 opinion of his

rage, skill, fury and impetuosity. This will so fright them both

that they will kill one another by the look, like cockatrices.175

Enter Olivia and Viola

FABIAN    Here he comes with your niece. Give them way176 till

he take leave, and presently177 after him.

SIR TOBY    I will meditate the while upon some horrid178 message

for a challenge.

[Exeunt Sir Toby, Fabian and Maria]

OLIVIA    I have said too much unto a heart of stone

And laid mine honour too unchary181 on’t.

There’s something in me that reproves my fault,

But such a headstrong potent fault it is,

That it but mocks reproof.

VIOLA    With the same ’haviour that your passion bears185

Goes on my master’s griefs.

OLIVIA    Here, wear this jewel187 for me, ’tis my picture.

Refuse it not. It hath no tongue to vex you.

And I beseech you come again tomorrow.

What shall you ask of me that I’ll deny,

That honour saved191 may upon asking give?

VIOLA    Nothing but this: your true love for my master.

OLIVIA    How with mine honour may I give him that

Which I have given to you?

VIOLA    I will acquit195 you.

OLIVIA    Well, come again tomorrow. Fare thee well.

A fiend like thee might bear my soul to hell.

[Exit]

Enter Toby and Fabian

SIR TOBY    Gentleman, God save thee.

VIOLA    And you, sir.

SIR TOBY    That defence thou hast, betake200 thee to’t. Of what

nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I know not, but

thy intercepter, full of despite, bloody202 as the hunter, attends

thee at the orchard-end. Dismount thy tuck, be yare203 in thy

preparation, for thy assailant is quick, skilful and deadly.

VIOLA    You mistake, sir, I am sure. No man hath any

quarrel to me: my remembrance206 is very free and clear from

any image of offence done to any man.

SIR TOBY    You’ll find it otherwise, I assure you: therefore, if

you hold your life at any price209, betake you to your guard, for

your opposite210 hath in him what youth, strength, skill and

wrath can furnish man withal.211

VIOLA    I pray you, sir, what is he?

SIR TOBY    He is knight, dubbed with unhatched rapier and on213

carpet consideration, but he is a devil in private brawl.